Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Day 8 - Colours

Well, I don't have any real special  or  specific "colors" that I associate with my angel babies, other than the generic  pink/blue awareness ribbon, which is a given...

BUT, I do have a touching picture my 11 year old daughter "colored" for me in honor of my angels (the ones she knows about, has seen me go through etc)...I was a little taken back by this picture, as she handed it to me  just as I was exiting my room from a decent "cry fest" after learning I was having yet another ectopic ( this last one that took me tube)  and would probably need surgery...As I gazed at it, at first it made me so sad, seeing the many angels represented - specifically Hannah our 19 week loss, which my daughter remembers very well, as they ( the kids) were there the day we found out we lost her)....I hate that they have had to walk along side me/us  on this long hard road. NO  matter how hard I have tried to protect them from the harsh realities of loss, and keep them out of the loop, they all sense it when we lose another....Nothing is said, just exchanged looks of grief, and unspoken "I am sorry's"...Makes my heart ache that they too have had to experience this part of life, even if it is just by observation.........

Anyway, the more I looked at the picture,  I began to smile when I realized, this was my daughter's way of remembering and honoring  her angel brothers and sisters....This was her way of coping and grieving with the chaos we have all gone through with my losses and complications from the losses and the toll that has taken on all of us, emotionally and logistically.....But, most of all, This was her way of trying to reach out and break the silence...

 
Out of this, came some very beautiful conversations with my 11 year old daughter, about life and loss...She is much more mature than I give her credit for... I was very surprised by her scripture choice too at the bottom of the picture (this was done all on her own). I asked her to explain it…
She has been reading Job earlier in the day, and when she read that verse, she thought of me …She said she feels like the losses are all because the enemy is testing and sifting me,  to see if I will "break" and forsake God  like the enemy tried to get Job to do....She said, "you have suffered so much for so long, the enemy wants you to give up, to turn your Back on God, But DON'T,  keep pressing in, and trust HIM, he WILL deliver you out of this and heal your heart"....Pretty profound for an 11 year old....
 
I wanted to share this with everyone, because this month is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, and I am speaking out about our losses to break the silence in the community, and be a support to anyone who also may be suffering with the grief of pregnancy loss…I also decided to share it,  because sometimes, even something as simple as a picture drawn by a child, can bring revelation, healing and peace, when you least expect it….Every now and again, the Holy Spirit has a funny way of getting messages to you…This time, he did it through my daughter…And in that, it  brought us closer together, gave her a better understanding about things, and brought me closer to healing from this long hard road I have walked….
 

4 comments:

  1. Sounds like you have a very special daughter. You should be so proud. xo

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    1. She is very special....=) I am blessed and thankful for her and my other's more than I can even articulate...

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  2. Wow! What an amazingly mature and thoughtful tribute from your daughter. Job has so much to teach us all too. I can't recite a ton of scripture from the Bible, but I do know he was tested quite a bit in that book!

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    1. Yes It is something I will cherish for a long time...Job was put through the ringer physically, and tested in many ways...But he was chosen by satan to be sifted because he was known to be so "holy" and upright, so he wanted to try and break him....I am NO where near that holy or upright, that is for sure, so I am not sure why the target is on my head for so darn long....enough is enough...

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