Friday, December 30, 2011

How it happened....

  Some of you may be wondering exactly how I came to the realization that I wanted to get my reversal done....

It all started in the first couple months following the ligation. ( the one that, mind you, I had chosen to get mostly out of fear due to my 2nd trimester loss the year prior, and a VERY hard subsequent pregnancy that left me scared to ever try again)... I started having some nasty issues with Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome. At the time, I had NO idea what it was. I saw a few different DR's and they ran a lot of tests... all pretty normal, except a few "borderline" hormonal issues, but nothing they wanted to correct with hormonal therapy due to family history of breast cancers etc. I dealt with it for a few more months, then had a wacky cycle( March 2010) that landed me in urgent care in severe pain. Of course, like before, no answers. I went home and did a few hours of googling, and found some info on Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome ( PTLS), at first, I thought it was a BUNCH of mumbo jumbo... I mean really!? But as I read more and more, things started to "click" and as I read  all the "symptoms" listed on the PTLS page, I was shocked I had almost ALL of them! I sat on this info for a few weeks, and just tried to digest it all without being all silly and trying to diagnose myself from info I found online. This was in April 2010.

May 2010.
I get a Facebook invite to a church service being held in Albany NY with some traveling evangelists that had been camped out there, doing nightly "revival" services. I brushed it off a few days and said "maybe next time"... then a few more people sent me invites, and I started hearing a "buzz" around church about some "cool stuff " happening there with people being healed ( getting out of wheel chairs etc). So finally I decided to go down and see what all the fuss was about.....WOW... did God show up.. If I ever had any doubt before that God was real, I certainly did not  after being apart of a few of those meetings. It was amazing. I am not one for "showy" religious nonsense... but, I am all for supernatural awesomeness!

So after going down a few nights here and there, I decided to go down on may 18th 2010, after a REALLY LONG, super bad day. I had a fight with hubby, car had issues etc , etc...It was going well, lots of great worship, and amazing spirit filled brothers and sisters on FIRE for God. they had a special speaker in that night,his name was Jeff Garvin. He shared his personal testimony ( SOOOOO powerful!!!) and then began to read from the word... he then started to have a few words of knowledge for people in the body. One for a man with Knee issues, and one for back problems etc...Its got quiet... and all the sudden... he called me from out of the crowd.
All the sudden he spoke, "you, with your hands folded" ( me, looking up, like "what!?") He said "Come up here...There is something going on inside your abdomen, like where the female parts are, I am not sure what is going on but God is doing something in there"...I began to walk up.. and after that, do not remember much, once I got up there, he layed hands on me and down I went, like a wet dish rag... I do remember laying there, feeling my insides flip lop like there was a fish inside of me... and was sooo strange, cause I was semi conscious,but unable to move or get up, or speak..... but I was also at peace. It was such an amazing moment...One I would never forget, one I had never experienced before.

I got up a bit later, not sure of what happened, but 100% sure God moved in me, in ways I was not able to comprehend just yet... I went home and watched the web cast ( the streamed it on the web, as it was a global thing) and re watched it, and was shocked... he spoke things and prayed things over me, that were so powerful...It was beautiful...from that moment on, I just KNEW I was meant to be "put back together"..but just did not know "how" it would happen.  over the course of the next few months, I got more confirmation, but was still so unsure what it was going to "look like". Part of me believed I was healed already inside, and even hoped a little that we might get a miracle baby letting me know all was "normal" in there again...silly, I know, but I have faith that God can certainly do those things, just was not sure what his plan was for ME...But after a few more months, post tubal ligation syndrome kicked my butt, and I began to really research getting a reversal for it, and it seemed MANY ladies had went for one and gotten total relief. But there was NO way we could afford it...

I started Blogging about my PTLS journey, and started some support groups, and following a few ladies who had been down this road...they inspired me... Gave me HOPE. I told God, "look, if this is what you want, lead the way, and give me the $$" cause we had NONE to spare....

Jan 2011
God had blessed us soooo supernaturally, we had enough money for surgery, and money to fly my mom out to stay with the kids etc...and we were on top, and not drowning was a miracle.
I got to call and schedule my appt for a date in March, and it was soooo unreal at the time! I NEVER thought I would really be THERE, getting ready to have the surgery!

The next couple months DRAGGED as we waited for March 10th to come..It was so crazy!!

Then it came and went like a flash of light...and I was home recovering....That is where I birthed this idea in my head about how easy this would be. I really had it set in my mind, that this would just "happen" because the PTLS symptoms just washed away effortlessly after the reversal. I mean the fact that I was even considering trying again after dealing with a 2nd trimester loss, and in my previous years never even wanted more than 2 kids! I was certainly God's doing I even had the desire/consideration to have another to begin with, not to mention the numerous "messages" I got from people about having a dream of me having another baby boy etc..(mind you, from people who knew NOTHING of the reversal/healing service/post tubal issues, nadda).it was like the "stars all lined up" just right...

However, I do not take my struggles in this Journey as a discouragement... if anything, I am dedicated to inspiring other's not to give up and lose hope...This road can get LONG and hard, but in the end , it is worth each and every tear shed, and hard day...
One day the rainbow will come...
Thinking of my Angel babies today...missing them...and hoping, praying and wishing for a rainbow baby....

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Please oh please!!!

As it sit here, over analyzing my symptoms just a mere 2 days post ovulation, I find myself saying over and over in my head..."Please, please, please let this be our month!" I have been on this merry go round of craziness called TTC for the last 10 months, and have experienced 6 heartbreaking losses... can I get a break here!? I am so bloated I cannot bend over properly or button my pants, my boobs are on fire and my ovaries are screaming at me.. this has to be good right?? maybe... maybe not...could be the clomid crazies...But I HOPE, HOPE, HOPE this IS our month!! I am just sooooooo ready for this to happen!!! Please oh please let this be our take home baby cycle!!

A change of plans...

I really had it in my mind, that this would all be so easy. I thought coming up with the money for surgery was going to be our biggest battle, And, That by Christmas, I would be waving around a gender ultrasound, or, at at the very least announcing our pregnancy. Here we are 10 months out, and 6 losses later...It hit me...I really did have expectations set in my head about how this was all going to play out. It has been harder than I imagined to rearrange everything and get it in my head that we are still trying. I spent most of my young adult life trying to NOT get pregnant. never in my life did I dream I would have trouble getting/staying that way...such a hard pill to swallow. The fact that I have several different DR's baffled as to why we cannot keep the pregnancies...saying my case is "complex and complicated"... how uplifting... NOT! I have had to fight to keep the HOPE deep in side. I have had to fight not to let this sink me... I certainly have not done everything perfect, and I am not on the other side yet, But I am still kind of amazed, I have the strength to keep going...God is good, and i know in the end we will be blessed with another...and it will all be worth it...

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Are you a Peestickaholic?Know the warning signs.
  • Do you need an "eyeopener" - do you pee on a stick first thing in the morning?

  • Do you pee on sticks alone?

  • Do you have a stash of peesticks in your house that no one knows about?

  • Has peeing on a stick ever interfered with your work or social life?

  • Have you ever lied about the number of peesticks you've used?

  • Do you often find yourself saying "just one more..." when faced with a BFN?

  • Do you seek out more and more sensitive peesticks, in an attempt to get that second line?

  • Have you ever peed on a stick at work?

  • Does the pharmacist know you by name and gets down "your brand" before you even belly up to the counter?

  • Do you shop at multiple pharmacies or online so no one knows how many peesticks you are buying?

If you answered yes to 3 or more of these questions, you need serious help!!

And if you happen to find out what helps this problem other than two fat pink lines, than let me know ASAP please!!

Since the TR...

It has been a rough road...One that I am amazed I am still on... I would have sworn we would be the "lucky ones" and get preg with a keeper the month after surgery, since I was so fertile before...That has not been the case...March was surgery, but we did not "prevent" so anything "could have happened, but didn't. Then, I was diagnosed with low progesterone in April, had a Chemical Pregnancy ( aka CP) in May, had another possible CP in June and was sent over to the reproductive endo's office by my OB, had a HSG in July and a hormonal work up, everything came back great, tubes open, and hormones ok. I  got pregnant that first cycle of the HSG, and betas rose well and doubled, but we lost the bean anyway at 5 weeks. August, I had another CP, Sept, started femara for a better ovulation, and got another BFP (Big fat positive) and had great rising beta blood tests, and wonderful progesterone, but  we lost the baby again, and left the RE baffled. got sent for MORE blood work, and  a redo of  the repeat loss panel blood tests, and  all came back normal again. November, was  femara cycle again, and another chemical preg. Dec, met with RE again, switched me to clomid, and added on estrace to the already taken prometrium, and said " let see" what happens...He did say the chemicals could have been early ectopic's that just resolved on their own, but triggered enough HCG to give me a few days of + tests. The other two were uterine in nature, with doubling betas and good progesterone levels. It really is a mystery still as to why we keep losing the pregnancies... BUT I hold on to the HOPE that I have 3 other living bio children, and we WILL get another baby blessing! I know God did not lead us down this road for the moment I am 1 day past ovulation, and just ready to test already! I am ready to have a take home baby... I am ready to move past all of this...but I will never forget.

You may be wondering...

What on earth are those abbreviations and what do they mean. well I will give you a little guide to help you understand the acronyms, since I will be using a LOT of them when making my posts on this blog. Most of you, if you have searched out this site, know what some of them are, since you are probably in, or will be in the same boat soon. No matter what the reason you happened to stumble on this page, look no further, I will decode the strange language of those trying to have a baby, and use online In regards to THIS page, it means Trying to conceive after a Tubal Reversal. Here I will go over the many stuggles and ups and downs of having had a tubal ligation/ reversal and trying again... and again, and again, after repeat early pregnancy losses....and all that goes with it....ok back to topic...

Below is a list of the commonly (and not co common) used acronyms for short hand online TTC (trying to conceive AKA getting pregnant/ "trying")  talk .

TTC ~ Trying to Conceive

AF ~ Aunt Flow (period)

AHI ~ At-Home Insemination

AI ~ Artificial Insemination

AID ~ Artificial Insemination from Donor

AIH ~ Artificial Insemination from Husband

AO ~ Anovulation

BD ~ Baby Dance

BBT ~ Basal Body Temperature

BCP ~ Birth Control Pills

Beta, beta hCG ~ Serum Pregnancy Test: qualitative (yes/no) or quantitative (numeric level)

BG ~ Blood Glucose

BSE ~ Breast Self-Exam

BTB ~ Break Through Bleeding

BW, b/w ~ Blood work

BOB ~ Baby on the Brain, Baby Obsessed Brain

BFN ~ Big Fat Negative

BFP ~ Big Fat Positive

CY# ~ Cycle Number

CCCT ~ Clomiphene Citrate Challenge Test (Clomid Challenge)

CD ~ Cycle Day

CF ~ Cervical Fluid

CM ~ Cervical Mucus

CNM ~ Certified Nurse Midwife

COH ~ Controlled Ovarian Hyper stimulation

CP ~ Cervical Position

DH ~Dearest Husband

DD ~ Darling Daughter

DP ~ Darling Partner

DS ~ Darling Son

D&C ~ Dilation and Curettage

D&E ~ Dilation and Evacuation

DE ~ Donor Eggs

DI ~ Donor Insemination

DPO ~ Days Past Ovulation

Dx ~ Diagnosis

DTD ~ Do the Deed

E2 ~ Estradiol (Estrogen)

EB, EMB ~ Endometrial Biopsy

EDC ~ Expected Date of Confinement (Due Date)

EDD ~ Estimated Due Date

ENDO ~ Endometriosis

EPT ~ Early Pregnancy Test

ERT ~ Estrogen Replacement Therapy

EW ~ Egg White

EWCF ~ Eggwhite Cervical Fluid

EWCM ~ Eggwhite Cervical Mucus

FP ~ Follicular Phase

FHR ~ Follicle Stimulating Hormone

FMU ~ First Morning Urine

FM ~ Fertility Monitor

GP ~ General Practitioner

HCG, HCG ` Human Chronic Gonadotropin

HCP ~ Health Care Practitioner

HPT ~ Home Pregnancy Test

HRT ~ Hormone Replacement Therapy

HSC ~ Hysteroscopy

HSG ~ Hysterosalpingogram

HTH ~ Hope that helps

IF ~ Infertility

IM ~ Intra-Muscular (injections)

IVF ~ In Vitro Fertilization

IUI ~ Inter Uterine Insemination

KWIM ~ Know what I mean?

LAP ~ Laparoscopy

LH ~ Luteinzing Hormone

LMP ~ Last Menstrual Period (1st day of red flow)

LP ~ Luteal Phase

2WW ~ 2 Week Wait (luteal phase)

LSP ~ Low Sperm Count

MC, m/c ~ Miscarriage

MF ~ Male Factor

NP ~ Nurse Practitioner

O, OV ~ Ovualtion

OB ~ Obstetrician

OB/GYN ~ Obstetrician/Gynecologist

OC ~ Oral Contraceptives

OCP ~ Oral Contraceptive Pill

OD ~ Ovulatory Dysfunction

OHSS ~ Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome

OPK ~ Ovulation Predictor Kit

OPT ~ Ovulation Predictor Test

OTC ~ Over The Counter

P4 ~ Progesterone

PA ~ Physicians Assistant

PCAP ~ Polycystic Appearing Ovaries

PCO ~ Polycystic Ovaries

PCOD ~ Polycystic Ovary Disease

PCOS ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

PCP ~ Primary Care Physician

PCT ~ Postcoital Test

PG ~ Pregnant

PI ~ Primary Infertility

PID ~ Pelvic Inflammatory Disease

PMS ~ Premenstrual Syndrome

POC ~ Products of Conception

RE ~ Reproductive Endocrinologist

RI ~ Reproductive Immunologist

RPL ~ Recurrent Pregnancy Loss

Rx ~ Prescription

SA ~ Semen Analysis

S/b, SB Stillbirth

SI ~ Secondary Infertility

SO ~ Significant Other

TTC ~ Trying to conceive

TL ~ Tubal Ligation

TR ~ Tubal Reversal

Tx ~ Treatment

TIA ~ Thanks in advance

TAB ~ Taking A Break

TMI ~ Too Much Information

UR ~ Urologist

US, u/s ~ Ultrasound

UTI ~ Urinary Tract Infection

V ~ Vasectomy

VR ~ Vasectomy Reversal