Skip to main content

Day 22: Part 2: My own addition to the project.....

Image
By
I have been thinking about this since the day of the balloon release...I wanted so bad to attach a note or write the name of our babies on each one, but the thought of having to name all of them was just too daunting on such an already emotional day...But since then, I have been thinking about sitting down and giving naming them a chance...

 For the last few days, I have been going back and reading posts I made when I miscarried  in the last couple years/months...Looked at the "should have been" due dates... I tried to remember what I "felt" during that time...I almost always had a "feeling" on gender, and was right with all my living babies, so I decided to just go with that in regards to naming each one of our angels...Here is our list...

 1. Jelly bean (2001) -MC
2. Pumpkin seed 2005 -CP
3. Millie (2007)- MC (guessing 7 weeks by size of sac)
4. Hannah marie (2008)- 19 week loss
5. Love bug (2011)-CP
6. Snowflake (2011)- CP
7. Daisy (2011)- MC 5 weeks
8. Lila (2011)-CP
9. Michael (2011)- MC 5w3d
10. Charlie (2011)- CP
11. Chase (2012)- CP
12. Anthony (2012)- MC 5w5d (saw sac etc in uterus)
13. Josie (2012)- CP
14. Jackson (2012)- EP
15. Maryann (2012) -CP
16. Liberty (2012)- EP
17. Jonah (2012)- CP
18. Brandon (2012)-CP
19. Allisondra (2013)- CP
20. Greyson (2013)- CP
21. James (2013)- EP
22. Riley (2013) - EP/Tubal removal

 I found this to be very healing....My initial thoughts on this before I really decided to do it were not very optimistic ...I didn't think it would really benefit anything, or anyone, and certainly not me....But I humbly admit, I was wrong, and wish I had done this sooner...I almost did not name the CP's (chemical pregnancies), because so many think they "don't count", but to me, they do....LIFE starts at conception, and they were OUR precious babies...So I named them as well....Even if you take away all the CP's we still have had 10 losses, which is just not fair, or normal...Then add in the CP's and I feel like some freak show, having had soooo manyyyyyy losses...Anyway, Putting names to the love I have for each one of those little souls was good for me...  I don't care if it helps anyone else, or if it seems silly....I benefited from it greatly. That is all that matters.....I realllllyyyyyyyy hope I don't ever have to add to this list again....Ever....

Comments

Post a Comment

Thanks for any and all comments,

Popular posts from this blog

What you should know if you are considering a tubal reversal

By
Its been 8 years. 8 years since we took a trip to NC to see DR. Montieth in Chapel Hill. I remember being so excited. I had this picture in my head of how it was going to go during, and after it all. For those of you who don't know, I had my tubes tied in 2009, after the birth of my 3rd, directly following a traumatic still birth. It was a decision made out of fear and trauma, not an informed decision. I ended up having adverse health issues (PTLS) after, and was desperate to find a solution. I stumbled upon a private chat room with others also struggling. Several had gone for a reversal, and seemed to feel so MUCH better after. I had already seen my doctor umpteen times, and they offered no solutions, and insinuated it was "in my head".... I saw all of these ladies posting the day OF surgery saying that they felt relief! I was like, "Yes, this is it!!"... So we saved the 6 Grand, and went and did the reversal. I was PUMPED. I started a blog, YouTube video and F...
2 comments
Read more

Lost for words...

By
I have been a funk...Not really much to say that has not already been said before..I feel like such a broken record....But I guess I should start somewhere, and give a little update of some kind... I have posted a few picture quotes that reflects some of how I am feeling, but I cannot seem to articulate MY feelings right now, in a personal way that is comprehensible to others, and doesn't make me look like an ungrateful bitch... I guess I will start off by saying, we had another chemical this last cycle...( + test's at 6/7 dpo- 9 dpo, (I tested early cause I almost threw up while socially smoking a cigg and having a drink with my friend and I didnt temp so I didn't know really where my cycle was for sure) and by 10 dpo tests had faded some, and AF came the NEXT day, even while still taking 800 mgs of progesterone supps (which I did start late at 7dpo, the day I got my first positive but none the less), giving me a whopping 10 day LP...=/ Here is one of my FRER's f...
7 comments
Read more

Ok...I may be on to something....

By
I am scared to even get a little excited.... I want to be elated right now...I do...But all I can think of are the "what if's"....I am going to try and stay as positive as possible, and keep saying over and over..."My body WILL carry this baby to term, I will have a take home baby!" Here is a pic ( below) of the dried test progression
11 comments
Read more