Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving!

I just wanted to send a quick shout out to all my friends out here in the blogger world! I hope you have all had a restful, peaceful and BLESSED day, no matter where you are...

Today....I am THANKFUL for ALL of you out there who have encouraged, and supported me through the last 3 years of this LONG hard journey...Knowing I have a few (more than a few I guess..lol) women out there who REALLY "get it" and can laugh, cry, and grieve right along with me has been priceless and very meaningful to me....Most of you I have never even met in person, yet I feel a connection to this community of women on such a deep level,  am not even  sure there are words to describe it...Thank you ALL so VERY much, for every comment, prayer and message I have received over the years...It means more to me than you will ever know!!

To those who are struggling right now, with some VERY difficult times/curcumatces in life, and may be having a hard time finding things to be thankful for and stay thankful for, my prayers are with you in abundance over this next few weeks....

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Say something......Please...Just say something...

I have seen this song circulating around on social media a lot in the last few weeks...It touched me right from the first time I ever heard it...I have seen it touch many others as well, in many different ways...I recently saw a post by Holly at Oh Baby,Baby (who is in my prayers daily) that touched my heart, and just made me reflect how this song has impacted me as well...

There are many ways one can "relate" to the lyrics in this song...For me, I recently found myself in a place where I was so broken, no... CRUSHED. I felt so totally abandoned by God, I was just begging him to "say something" to me... ANYTHING... I was "giving up on" some of my most intimate and special hopes and dreams, and it felt like I was having to say goodbye to the promises I felt HE gave me 4 years ago, that I was once so sure of...

Of course I will NEVER "give up" on my Lord Jesus, as he will NEVER and has never, ever given up on me.....But I know there are many times we ALL have felt abandoned in one way or another, through varying circumstances, despite knowing he IS there, and we are just screaming out for God to "say something" to reassure us, show us a sign, give us a glimmer of hope in a pit of darkness.....

You end up screaming so loud and desperate, almost at the point of having no voice left to scream, and utterly exhausted, you just feel like giving up totally and completely....I can bet everyone has been there at least once  in their life...

Being Real with God (and even YOURSELF) about "where you are at" is a good start. that way he can meet you where you are, and and say that "something" that needs to be said, just the way you need to hear it....This song helped me see the reality of where I was truly at, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally....I realized that I had things that I had let come in between God and I, and things I put on myself, that caused me to defer my hope (which makes the heart sick by the way) and "give up" on his promises....Once I finally swallowed my pride and decided to "give up" on my own way, He spoke loud and clear to me that day ...That is not to say, that some days, I still dont put this song on replay and scream out to God "PLEASE, SAYSOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!".....I do...I still struggle....

Anyway, I know this song seems semi breakupish in nature- But, It just speaks deeper to me... It has has helped me in a lot of ways...I finally got REAL with God, ( and am still doing it every day) and while I cannot say it is a magic fix for every facet of my life, it has brought me some peace, and understanding, and more than anything a word from HIM to keep holding on to HOPE.....

I don't believe that he spoke a word of assurance for me to hope for a baby solely...Of course, I know he longs to fulfill that desire, but more than that, he gave me a word of HOPE, for healing...For comfort and peace...For closure, and a future with great things, weather we are blessed with another baby or not...He is NOT giving up on me, and will carry me through this...No matter what the outcome may be...



Friday, November 22, 2013

This is what 2 years 9 months and 3 weeks of....

Actively TTC with injects, meds, ultrasounds, blood draws, thousands of dollars spent while dealing with immune related recurrent/ectopic pregnancy loss looks like....


Tears streaming down my face
from all this pain...
It can never be erased...
sometimes, it just overtakes me...

It was not supposed to be like this...
You should be here with me...

So,  I will hold you in my heart forever...
Nothing take can your place, not ever...
 Even though you are safe, in our father's arms
Soaring far above the twinkling stars...
My heart aches...Its just breaks...I miss you...



I never got to hold you in my arms...

I never got to see you smile....
You never got to see the sunshine, or 
watch the clouds pass by...




I was not supposed to be like this....

you should be here with me...



So,  I will hold you in my heart forever...

Nothing take can your place, not ever...
 Even though you are safe, in our father's arms
Soaring far above the twinkling stars...
My heart aches...Its just breaks...I miss you...




They say time, it can heal all wounds...

But I know this is just not true...Not when it comes to you...
I still miss you the same...My heart , it still aches...I miss you...



So,  I will hold you in my heart forever...

Nothing take can your place, not ever...
 Even though you are safe, in our father's arms
Soaring far above the twinkling stars...
My heart aches...Its just breaks...every single day......I miss you...

(By Megz)


Monday, November 18, 2013

Some big news..

Ok... So....The big news?

We are moving!.......... =)

Some of you know we went to California to visit family a couple weeks back...What was a family vacation at the start, turned into scoping out a plan to relocate after a few days.....

There are MANY reasons we want to/have wanted to leave New York...MANY...One, being TAXES...Holy hell, do they sock it to ya here in the Big freaking apple...Two being, the freaking COLD...I hate the cold, dreary weather in the winter, and sticky, nasty HUMID summers...Three. we need to get into a house that fits our budget better.

We originally planned on going to North Carolina. But after spending 12 days back in my old hometown of Big Bear, Lake Arrowhead, CA area...Both DH and I were ready to come back to NY and pack up right away to move out there! If only it were that easy! LOL. We have MUCH to do...The biggest thing? Selling this house! The transfer part for DH with his job is pretty easy, and the district managers already have things in motion with the district managers in CA, figuring out a ETA on his promotion/transfer....We are HOPING anywhere from Feb- April we will be officially heading west...

Right now, I am busy packing away clutter, throwing crap away, selling crap etc...LOL..Then we LIST it, and pray like heck! I am not so worried about it actually selling, as much as I am worried about actually walking away with some money in our pockets after closing, commissions etc...But I suppose what will be, will be...


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Amazing song....


This is song is one of the most amazing songs I have ever heard...This was originally a spontaneous prophetic song, done at IHOP by Misty Edwards...I feel like this speaks to me in so many, many ways...It is from the perspective of God, speaking to us...I thought I would share this with you all....maybe someone else really needs to hear this song as much as I did, and still do...I listen to it every day...Blessings

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Photo BOMB!

I don't have tons of time...we are washing clothes and packing...Tomorrow is our last full day here in CA....It has been an amazing trip! (outside of AF showing like 5 days early! UGH)...But here is a bunch of pics! We have TONS of video to be uploaded and such...But here are a few snaps from my Iphone!


 (our room etc)























The pool on the roof of the #rd floor....
 we had so much fun- the pics are only a few...The suite had 3 room! and a sitting area etc! we bunked with my parents as well, so we could spend quality time with the grandparents for the kids...and well...I needed some "mommy and me time" with  MY mommy =)
(pictured to the left- watching the kids swim on a break from the park)






                                                                          My mommy and me (below)


 Dad and the kids ( above)




Nana and Kaitlyn


(below)

Dad, Grandad, Isaiah, and half of lindsay, on the submarine ride (Hayden was ducking to avoid the pic)...
all of us ( below)


From left to right: Haydem Isaiah, Lindsay and Kaitlyn ( the littlest one, who is not so little anymore)









 walking down main street at night ( to the left)










 Me and my "ears"




                                         

Dinner at the Rain forest cafe!!





















And here is a few snaps from Huntington Beach, CA from today!









































Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Disneyland here we come!!!!!!!!!!

In about 15 mins we will head off down the road, to Anaheim, CA to take the kids on a surprise trip to Disneyland!! We are staying the night at the Paradise Pier, Disney hotel!! Pics to follow soon!!!!!!!
=)