Sunday, October 27, 2013

Whats going on....

  Just thought I would give a little update on what has been going on with us the last few weeks, and in the next couple weeks to come....

  Finally all back to normal after the tube removal on 9/14/13. Last cycle was pretty textbook, and so has this month, so far anyway...

  I met with my primary DR last week, who had a few not so great things to say about our losses...You know, the ones..."Maybe this is your bodies way of saying it is time to stop having kids" , or " be happy with what you have and move on, if people that witnessed the holocaust can "move on" and live a normal life, you should be able to after pregnancy loss"...Then proceeded to tell me that DH needs to get snipped or I need my other tube removed so I stop having losses...I quickly and firmly let him know we would be doing NOTHING permanent....And, In case you were wondering, I did go OFF on him for the previous comments, and handed him his own ass as nice as I possibly could...Then, I promptly left, and started googling "primary care physicians" in my zip code...The search is on for yet ANOTHER doctor...Lovely.

  In other news. that Vaginal contraceptive foam that you can buy OTC ...Holy crotchamoly! It burns! DH is not a fan of regular spermicide, I am semi allergic to condoms, and I just end up getting pregnant on birth control...So, I dunno WTF we are going to do BC wise...DH really still wants to just NTNP, and see where it takes us for another year...The only other option is a IUD, and I am not sure I want to get one of those again...I had one in the past, and pretty sure I ended up pregnant, as I passed a (around about) sac around 7 weeks big....I never had periods on the mirena, so who knows...But since then, I swore id never get another one...AND, really, if I am one of the less than 1% that has their bowel nicked during a laparoscopic surgery to remove my tube after having 4 ectopics in a year and a half, id probably end up being one of the ones who gets a perforated uterus etc out of it all at the end of the day...Just seems to be the way the ball bounces in my direction..I know, I am just so "positive" today aren't I?

  Ok, Moving along....I went out the the hubbster the other day and we visited a cute little country shop which happened to have a lot of different kinds of my fave wooden sculptures made by willow tree...I was hoping they would have one for angel mommies, but I did not see one there (will be looking online later). However, I did see this one, and it made me think of the last couple years, and how I wont ever forget what I have endured, what broke me, and crushed me, yet at the same time, and learned from it all and grew and am still growing as a person because of it....


Ok, now for some good news!

  We are soon to be headed off on vacation (leaving tuesday the 29th) to see my family/hometown in cali for the next 12 days!!! I have not been out there to visit that area in almost 7 years...Although my mom has come out here, we have not gone as a family out there in sooooooooo LONG! We are just so super stoked to have this opportunity to spend some quality time with the ones I love and am close to...Not to mention, we will be hitting up Disneyland, which is always a fun time, and then heading down for some time at the beach too....The ocean is my "happy place"....It is where I can go,  no matter what, and feel at peace...I miss the pacific ocean so much living out here in upstate NY...I cannot wait to sit in the sand, and write a song, snap some pics, and just BREATHE for the first time in what seems like years...SO much has happened in our lives over the last couple years, that we have not had time to really enjoy the "now"...We were always planning this, and figuring out the next steps for that or stuck in the past trying to make sense of all the grief....So, for the next 2 weeks, I am going to do everything I can to live in the moment...So that is what is going on....I probably won't be posting too much while I am away...Maybe a few pics and a update now and again...

I am going to TRY and hold the memory of my angel babies in my heart, while I force myself to set my grief on a shelf for just a little bit, and try to pretend my life has not fallen apart around me for the last 3 years so I can enjoy some good times, and make some NEW good memories to close out this year with! 

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