Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Muscular ventricular septal defect...

Those are the words I heard yesterday flow out of the mouth of the pediatric cardiologist following a 3 + hour ultrasound for echocardiogram's for the twins... (Fetal Echo is standard testing for IVF pregnancies) 

Before she even opened her mouth I knew the results were not normal... Between the scan taking a realllyyyy long time to get extra images on Baby A, and the little pad in her hand with a diagram of a heart, and the look on her face... I knew... 

She did a great job of making it sound really "normal" and non threatening, but Inside I was trying so hard not to lose it... I managed to make it to the car before tears came down... 

The good news is, it's a pretty common defect, and has a chance of closing on its own so little Josiah won't need surgery, but there are no garruntees of course. The other positive aspect is we know ahead of time, and can plan accordingly ... 

Of course our hope is that when I go back in 6 weeks for a follow up echo, it's closed and we can just move on... 

But man, it's hard to hear news like that... I just wanted to hear "they both look perfect"... I honestly expected there to be issues at anatomy scan, so once that came back great I let my guard down and just was taken back when there was an issue detected this time around....

So now we just keep praying... And believing that the Lord will heal... 💙

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Anatomy scan...

Holy crap was I a bucket of nerves!!!! 

Yesterday I soent 3 hours getting scanned with the MFM office ...it was amazing to see the babies but also scary, as I didn't get the results until the very end... All that to say... 

They are doing great in there!!! MFM said they have no concerns!! Still a boy and a girl lol... Weighing 12 oz each... 

And my cervix was 3.8 which is pretty good for now! I'm feeling a bit better about everything now... I was so worried about major defects... Now we are really fully celebrating and in full swing with getting things ready for their arrival! 

Here's a couple of the 3D pics :)

This is Josiah ...



And here is Olivia... She was being difficult so we didn't get the best face shot lol 
So in love!!! 💗💙


Saturday, March 12, 2016

We made it!

To 20 weeks! Wow!! 

I'm sitting here in total awe at this journey we have been on... It has NOT been easy... The last 5 years have been without a doubt very hard... And even the last 20 weeks...

I've been hospitalized a few times between kidney infections, the flu, strange high blood pressure etc... The anxiety has been very intense... But every  second has been worth it 100%... 

We have the "big" anatomy scan on Monday... I know things are most likely fine, but I still worry... Also kind of worried my already shorter than it should be cervix will be shorter... But today, no matter what Monday brings, is still a victory ... A miracle.... 

I'm so incredibly thankful for our donors who chose LIFE for their remaining embryos, so we could have a chance to complete our family in a unique way, and get the healing redemption of carrying and giving birth again after so so so many losses...

I'm thankful for every cramp, pain, bout of reflux, sickness, bladder leak... Well , you get the point... I'm thankful to be here... So many nights I tried to grapple with the thought of never getting to experience this again... Forcing myself to try and let go of a dream that didn't seem to be possible... And now, I'm sitting here in tears (of joy) feeling these precious babies move ... 

As far as them not being genetically ours... Honestly I hardly think about it...my step daughter isn't "mine" and I didn't even get to bond with her at birth etc, but I still love her like she is 100% mine... I'll admit, the suspense as to what  they will look like is pretty exciting!  But never once have we ever felt reserved emotionally because they are not genetically ours... In fact both my husband and I seem to be bonding faster this time around simply because the journey was so hard just to get here!  We appreciate the gift of life more than ever before and cherish each moment... 

I still can't believe we are over half way done baking these two babies! I cannot wait to hold them in my arms...

I'll update after our scan on Monday with some new pics of the littles ...

Prayers are appreciated in regards to my body continuing to do what it needs to (keep  them in as long as possible) ...