Sunday, October 13, 2013

Days 10,11,12 and 13....

Day 10: Beliefs-

I am going to politely make this one shot and sweet...I believe life starts at conception, and that all of our angel babies are in the arms of our heavenly Father, dancing with Jesus in fields of gold, living in TOTAL peace and glory, until we meet again one day....I cannot wait for that day when we will finally be  reunited...

Day 11: Emotional Triggers-

Oh boy, this could be a whole chapter in a book all on it's own....There are SO, SO many triggers for women dealing with the loss of a child, it can sometimes be unbearable, making you wish you lived under a rock....MINE, are pregnant women, babies that are the same age as our angels would have been , certain songs, and scents...But usually my triggers are actually my own blessings, my own children, that trigger the pain attack...NOT intentionally of course, but in their innocence, I see just how jaded I really am....Just this morning, my son, age 7, said to me..."Mom, I really wish one of those babies would have lived, so I could have a brother"...To which my 4 year old replied " yea, I want a baby sister too, why cant you have babies again mommy?"....There I am, in the midst of getting breakfast prepared for everyone before heading off to church, and I am turned to the sink, face hidden by sheets of frazzled, un brushed hair, while tears stream down my face, as I fake the "happy " voice, gently explaining again to them, that I jut don't have any control over the situation, and that I would love that for each of them as well, but right now, lets be thankful for who we have in our lives now, and the people we DO have in our family, and work on making those relationships better, and maybe one day God will bless us again, but even if he doesn't we must stay thankful....My heart meant all of that....every single ounce....But my head and mind was screaming..."WHYYYYYYYYYY, why, why why why!!!!!! WHY me, WHY us? WHY not do a miracle again!!?? WHY?".....I am still,  just so broken about the situation we are now in...I ran off bed, to do a little more crying before I put on my brave face and my makeup face, and that was that...I never know when a trigger" is going to come...I have tried to find coping methods for when they do come, but they seldom work....I guess it is just apart of the process...

Day 12: Article-

I actually was not sure what I was going to use for this, when I gazed at the subjects back a few weeks ago. Then, a few days back, this post began to circulate among the loss community, and It resonated with me so greatly, I shared it on my regular Facebook news feed...Simply put, I loved it. Link to article below...

Confronting the lie: God wont give you more than you can handle By Author of the blog From One Degree to Another

Day 13:  Book-

I have not read too many books on grief, I tend to really hate "self help" reading materials...BUT, I will be writing a book of my own....Not from a therapist point of view, or medical stand point, but from a personal aspect, that you cannot speak to unless you have "been there". I plan to begin the book at the start of next year, and hope to have it out for release by next holiday season.


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