Feeling tired and blue...

I am Tired. Really tired. Tired of TTC, and meds, and scheduled sex. I am tired of hoping, only to be let down. I Am bummed and feeling a bit blue too...A Good friend of mine, just announced the gender of her 3rd baby- ( I am of course over the moon excited for her as we were TTC together and she has suffered a couple m/c's too-) And as happy as I was, I was so sad inside still...I was due with my Feb baby the same day she was. I "should" be finding out the gender too!- I should be 30+ weeks with a Nov Baby too- and so on and so forth...It just seems to unfair.

Now here I sit, in the throws of yet another loss...Trying to put on my brave face and keep the hope alive and spark there to keep TTC. But, it is getting hard, so utterly hard. I don't know how much more I can take...This seems almost like a nightmare. Like some freakish thing you only read about in books and see on lifetime movies. I am ready for my happily ever after....

To top it all off- My tests have progressively gotten a bit darker today....I am scared I am going to have to endure another round of metho hell....
ugh....

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What you should know if you are considering a tubal reversal

Its been 8 years. 8 years since we took a trip to NC to see DR. Montieth in Chapel Hill. I remember being so excited. I had this picture in my head of how it was going to go during, and after it all. For those of you who don't know, I had my tubes tied in 2009, after the birth of my 3rd, directly following a traumatic still birth. It was a decision made out of fear and trauma, not an informed decision. I ended up having adverse health issues (PTLS) after, and was desperate to find a solution. I stumbled upon a private chat room with others also struggling. Several had gone for a reversal, and seemed to feel so MUCH better after. I had already seen my doctor umpteen times, and they offered no solutions, and insinuated it was "in my head".... I saw all of these ladies posting the day OF surgery saying that they felt relief! I was like, "Yes, this is it!!"... So we saved the 6 Grand, and went and did the reversal. I was PUMPED. I started a blog, YouTube video and F...

Lost for words...

I have been a funk...Not really much to say that has not already been said before..I feel like such a broken record....But I guess I should start somewhere, and give a little update of some kind... I have posted a few picture quotes that reflects some of how I am feeling, but I cannot seem to articulate MY feelings right now, in a personal way that is comprehensible to others, and doesn't make me look like an ungrateful bitch... I guess I will start off by saying, we had another chemical this last cycle...( + test's at 6/7 dpo- 9 dpo, (I tested early cause I almost threw up while socially smoking a cigg and having a drink with my friend and I didnt temp so I didn't know really where my cycle was for sure) and by 10 dpo tests had faded some, and AF came the NEXT day, even while still taking 800 mgs of progesterone supps (which I did start late at 7dpo, the day I got my first positive but none the less), giving me a whopping 10 day LP...=/ Here is one of my FRER's f...

Ok...I may be on to something....

I am scared to even get a little excited.... I want to be elated right now...I do...But all I can think of are the "what if's"....I am going to try and stay as positive as possible, and keep saying over and over..."My body WILL carry this baby to term, I will have a take home baby!" Here is a pic ( below) of the dried test progression

Purpose Driven Motherhood

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