I go to my saline u/s appt, at the RE office and while I am waiting, I get a call from my DS's school...He has a fever, so I have to go pick him up. No biggie. But, after a 35 min drive one way to GET there to the RE, I was not turning around without getting the test done, since It had to be done today...Or I wait another month... I had them rush the appt, and they got me in and out pretty fast luckily.
However, While they had me spread eagle, on the table doing the saline u/s...She says, "It looks as normal as they come...Text book, "perfect"". No issues at all"...She said she was sorry about everything that has been happening, and said in the 22 years of practice The head RE had been there, and in the 10 years she has been there neither of them had/ have seen a case like mine at all... She said especially because I have 3 living children, but even more so, because I am so young. She said your ovaries are so beautiful, and young...we have established just looking at your labs and u/s' that egg quality is no issue, nor lining, there are no genetic things screaming out that there is something wrong, or matches form you or DH we looked over those results form 2008 etc Neither of you seem to carry a gene that makes you predisposed to having babies with genetic issues, and you have tow babies already together that are perfect....It just baffles us...At some point she says "you may want to just stop and give it up...emotionally, this cannot be healthy for you"....wow...awesome...The DR who's sole JOB is to GET me and keep me pregnant, says to just give up....wow...Thats some crap right there...
Mind you This has not even fully phased me, even as of yet... because...
I quickly left, and on my way home got a disgruntled call from DH who is stressed out about everything else under the sun at work, and with schoool, which mind you, is his own fault for putting things off till last minute...anyway, I digress...
I go get DS from school, he has a fever of 104...great...I leave, get 10 mins away, to go pick up my youngest from my friend who was watching her, while scheduling an appt for DS to get checked out this afternoon, when I get a call....DSD lindsay has a headache... Not feeling well....So, I grab youngest DD, head back to school...sign out lindsay..THEN, get stuck at a TRAIN for God sakes...
FINALLY get home...Lidsay starts throwing up....My poor babies! I hate when they are sick! But, now I have to cancel the urget appt I set up for DS to get his ear ache/ fever checked, because I cant take a throwing up kid out of the house like that....
Right now they are all sleeping...Praying for some peace...and some how the ability to just be "ok"...sick kids I can deal with...But wow...Being told to basically just give up...
This is the 3rd time in a month I have heard to just "stop trying and let go"....Once from my dear friend who I cherish to death...She said to "stop trying for a year and just let it all go"...,Then my primary DR said a couple weeks back ( the day I got my metformin). "Maybe this is all you are going to have, and your body is saying stop" Then this...But yet, I feel God tugging on my heart to keep going and be stead fast in the things he has spoken and confirmed to me....I cannot walk away yet...I cannot give up....
I hate feeling so torn some days...
Oh, I understand the feeling of being torn! I think dr's feel that if you already have kids it is so easy for them to say..."Maybe you should stop" Only YOU can answer that question. I, too, feel that there is one more out there for me.
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