Habitual Abort-er...

Those were the words that screamed out from the page as I read the "revisit summary" from the patient portal after my RE visit last week...
It was almost as if everything thing else written on that page, just simply did not exist....I only saw...

Habitual abort-er....

How could that be on MY chart?? How could that be what is defining me right now?? I almost got sick to my stomach as I sat there and read it, over, and over, and over again....

First of all. the term it self, almost implies that I CHOSE this...When I think of an abortion I think of it being a choice...THIS was NOT my choice...I never wanted this! I never asked for this!! Then add in the term habitual...Again...Almost implies I did this to myself...As if, over time I have this habit of aborting my babies...

Now do not get me wrong..I KNOW this is a medical term..Just like "chemical pregnancy" is also a medical term...It does not change the fact that it makes me feel like total crap when I see this written about ME...

But I refuse to let this define me...No...I WILL get my take home baby...I will carry a living miracle in my belly again to term....I will see the rainbow after the storm...I am NOT a habitual Abort-er...No I am a woman...who has lost many precious angels...A woman who is Still Standing after it all...Standing in faith...Hoping and praying...sometimes falling...But I always Stand up again...And keep going forward...One small step at a time.

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What you should know if you are considering a tubal reversal

Its been 8 years. 8 years since we took a trip to NC to see DR. Montieth in Chapel Hill. I remember being so excited. I had this picture in my head of how it was going to go during, and after it all. For those of you who don't know, I had my tubes tied in 2009, after the birth of my 3rd, directly following a traumatic still birth. It was a decision made out of fear and trauma, not an informed decision. I ended up having adverse health issues (PTLS) after, and was desperate to find a solution. I stumbled upon a private chat room with others also struggling. Several had gone for a reversal, and seemed to feel so MUCH better after. I had already seen my doctor umpteen times, and they offered no solutions, and insinuated it was "in my head".... I saw all of these ladies posting the day OF surgery saying that they felt relief! I was like, "Yes, this is it!!"... So we saved the 6 Grand, and went and did the reversal. I was PUMPED. I started a blog, YouTube video and F...

Lost for words...

I have been a funk...Not really much to say that has not already been said before..I feel like such a broken record....But I guess I should start somewhere, and give a little update of some kind... I have posted a few picture quotes that reflects some of how I am feeling, but I cannot seem to articulate MY feelings right now, in a personal way that is comprehensible to others, and doesn't make me look like an ungrateful bitch... I guess I will start off by saying, we had another chemical this last cycle...( + test's at 6/7 dpo- 9 dpo, (I tested early cause I almost threw up while socially smoking a cigg and having a drink with my friend and I didnt temp so I didn't know really where my cycle was for sure) and by 10 dpo tests had faded some, and AF came the NEXT day, even while still taking 800 mgs of progesterone supps (which I did start late at 7dpo, the day I got my first positive but none the less), giving me a whopping 10 day LP...=/ Here is one of my FRER's f...

Ok...I may be on to something....

I am scared to even get a little excited.... I want to be elated right now...I do...But all I can think of are the "what if's"....I am going to try and stay as positive as possible, and keep saying over and over..."My body WILL carry this baby to term, I will have a take home baby!" Here is a pic ( below) of the dried test progression

Purpose Driven Motherhood

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