Thursday, May 10, 2012

Habitual Abort-er...

Those were the words that screamed out from the page as I read the "revisit summary" from the patient portal after my RE visit last week...
It was almost as if everything thing else written on that page, just simply did not exist....I only saw...

Habitual abort-er....

How could that be on MY chart?? How could that be what is defining me right now??  I almost got sick to my stomach as I sat there and read it, over, and over, and over again....

First of all. the term it self, almost implies that I CHOSE this...When I think of an abortion I think of it being a choice...THIS was NOT my choice...I never wanted this! I never asked for this!! Then add in the term habitual...Again...Almost implies I did this to myself...As if, over time I have this habit of aborting my babies...

Now do not get me wrong..I KNOW this is a medical term..Just like "chemical pregnancy" is also a medical term...It does not change the fact that it makes me feel like total crap when I see this written about ME...


But I refuse to let this define me...No...I WILL get my take home baby...I will carry a living miracle in my belly again to term....I will see the rainbow after the storm...I  am NOT a habitual Abort-er...No I am a woman...who has lost many precious angels...A woman who is Still Standing after it all...Standing in faith...Hoping and praying...sometimes falling...But I always Stand up again...And keep going forward...One small step at a time.

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