The more reading I do...

The worse it gets...UGH...This HLA/DQ match stuff sucks...

I am still just baffled that we are even having to deal with this!? It just seems so crazy to me! What are the chances!?...I always seem to be apart of that "less than 1% of 1%" group that the stupidest crap happens to! UGH....

I am trying to keep the faith and know that I believe in a God who can do amazing miracles, but at the same time, I also have to be wise, and let my body and mind rest a bit...I have been through so very much...

I have decided to go on a couple cycles of birth control, to let my system "rest" a bit so to speak, while we figure out a game plan with the new DR, and figure out if insurance will cover the treatments. (please God, please!)...The two meds we would need are either Neupogen, or IVIG- both of which are VERY, VERY expensive, and are VERY hard to get covered by insurance...:sigh:

This is all just so much to take in...Passing the 2 year mark, with NO baby, NO BFP, and now, not even the CHANCE at another baby for a while...It hurts soooo, sooo much .... I hate, hate, hate this...I keep trying to focus on other things so I don't get down in the dumps, but no matter what I do, I just keep coming back to all of this bad news, and I just can't help but cry...

I do know, that I will make it through this, and I will be stronger because of it...I wont let this break me...I believe, that some how, some way, we will be blessed with a miracle...I don't know what that is going to look like, but I know it in my heart....Lord just give me peace, and strength until then....

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What you should know if you are considering a tubal reversal

Its been 8 years. 8 years since we took a trip to NC to see DR. Montieth in Chapel Hill. I remember being so excited. I had this picture in my head of how it was going to go during, and after it all. For those of you who don't know, I had my tubes tied in 2009, after the birth of my 3rd, directly following a traumatic still birth. It was a decision made out of fear and trauma, not an informed decision. I ended up having adverse health issues (PTLS) after, and was desperate to find a solution. I stumbled upon a private chat room with others also struggling. Several had gone for a reversal, and seemed to feel so MUCH better after. I had already seen my doctor umpteen times, and they offered no solutions, and insinuated it was "in my head".... I saw all of these ladies posting the day OF surgery saying that they felt relief! I was like, "Yes, this is it!!"... So we saved the 6 Grand, and went and did the reversal. I was PUMPED. I started a blog, YouTube video and F...

Lost for words...

I have been a funk...Not really much to say that has not already been said before..I feel like such a broken record....But I guess I should start somewhere, and give a little update of some kind... I have posted a few picture quotes that reflects some of how I am feeling, but I cannot seem to articulate MY feelings right now, in a personal way that is comprehensible to others, and doesn't make me look like an ungrateful bitch... I guess I will start off by saying, we had another chemical this last cycle...( + test's at 6/7 dpo- 9 dpo, (I tested early cause I almost threw up while socially smoking a cigg and having a drink with my friend and I didnt temp so I didn't know really where my cycle was for sure) and by 10 dpo tests had faded some, and AF came the NEXT day, even while still taking 800 mgs of progesterone supps (which I did start late at 7dpo, the day I got my first positive but none the less), giving me a whopping 10 day LP...=/ Here is one of my FRER's f...

Ok...I may be on to something....

I am scared to even get a little excited.... I want to be elated right now...I do...But all I can think of are the "what if's"....I am going to try and stay as positive as possible, and keep saying over and over..."My body WILL carry this baby to term, I will have a take home baby!" Here is a pic ( below) of the dried test progression

Purpose Driven Motherhood

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