Saturday, February 2, 2013

CD1

So nice to see you, AF.....NOT!

Don't get me wrong, after a 17 day LP, I am happy she finally decided to show, but, I would REALLY like a 10 month break, with a baby at the end instead...
=/

( edited to add the entry below)

AF is kickin my ass today....I can def say for certain this last cycle was a chemical, as I am passing grey matter,and clots,  just like many of my other losses. I always know the difference in a period that contains the "products of conception" VS just a regular period, it is unmistakable....That kinda made me even more sad...I was half convincing myself that it was just the left over trigger messing with me...It seemed to lessen the blow at first, to the cycle being a bust...But really, It doesn't matter...A loss/chemical, BFN, whatever, it all ends with empty arms, and a broken heart, so it just hurts, period.

Today, as I was wallowing in my self pity, and simultaneously self loathing, for even having a pity party, I logged onto FB today, to see a good friend of mine (who I am thrilled for, really I am) had her baby this morning...We were due the same day ( with my Feb Angel/ectopic baby) and as happy as I am, it was a harsh slap of reality in the face, on a day where my hormones/emotions are a bit fragile...Half of me rejoiced for her, knowing she had losses too, but the other half just screamed inside, "why did I have to lose MY baby/babies!? Over and OVER and OVER??!!!" ......Then quickly hid the picture of the brand new baby on my screen, and wiped away my tears....Trying to pull it together...::sigh:: I wish it was not so hard...


1 comment:

  1. xo Sorry this happened, girl. I hope the witch is not too bad to you. xoxox Thinking about you

    ReplyDelete

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