Feeling a bit down...

OK....actually, really down....

I got hubby's DQAlpha/HLA results today....And we have quite a few "matches"... and I have some "not so great" characteristics about mine that make me even more apt to having implant failure and losses....This, combined with the higher NK cells, low T regs and Hashi's/PCOS issues, gives us answers, as to why we have had so many losses ...But this also means we will NEED treatment to have a take home baby, and the treatment is NOT cheap...( anywhere from 2000-5000 bucks a month for up to 3 months possibly  more depending on how many cycles it takes to fall preg)

Here is some info about the HLA/alloimmune issues...From the SIRM website.

Alloimmune Implantation Dysfunction – This is the most common immunologic cause of recurrent miscarriages. here is how it works: With fertilization, the sperm contributes genetic material to the fertilized egg or embryo. That is why an implanting embryo, is in about 90% of cases immunogenetically different from the mother’s genotype…Yet, in spite of this difference the embryo is accepted and allowed to continue to develop into a viable pregnancy. This so called “paradox of pregnancy” is due to magnificent immunologic adaptations in the uterus, brought about by interaction (“communication) between an immunologically distinct embryo and the predominating immune lymphocytes in the uterine lining known as natural killer (NK) cells. Sometimes (in <10% of cases) the embryo and the mother might share certain similarities involving genes known as DQalpha and HLA. When this happens, after repeated exposures of the uterus to consecutive matching pregnancies, uterine NK cells (as well as and other immune cells known as cytotoxic lymphocytes) begin to release excessive amounts of cytotoxic cytokines that attack the embryo’s trophoblast (root system) , thereby initiating a rejection process that often precipitates a first trimester miscarriage.Such alloimmune implantation dysfunction is thus a relatively common immunologic cause of recurrent first trimester miscarriages , making testing for alloimmune similarities in both partners an important part of the evaluation of non-chromosomal recurrent pregnancy loss. This requires comparing the mother’s and father’s HLA and DQ alpha genetic status for “matching similarities”.When the sperm provider and the embryo recipient share one or both DQ alpha genes and/or have several other HLA genes in common, implantation failure can occur, usually manifesting as early RPL (and sometimes, albeit less common, as “unexplained” infertility or IVF failure). However, for such alloimmune matching to lead to implantation dysfunction (e.g. miscarriage) there must be associated activation of uterine NK cells (*and mine are activated*) (NKa) as evidenced by the K-562 Target cell test and/or increased endometrial TH-1 cytokine activity determined through sampling. In the absence of such NKa, even the severest form of alloimmune matching will not prevent a perfectly normal pregnancy from occurring.

I am just at a loss....I never would have thought we would have "matches" like this, because we have the two other babies together, which apparently are miracles....But I guess the more pregnancies/losses you have the worse it gets...Each time it activates the NK cells further...No good!

I am still going to see the DR in NYC and see what he says and what his "game plan" would be...But, There is a really good chance, (98% chance) we may have to set aside TTC, go on birth control for a year or so, while we save for the treatments, and work on losing weight etc....

I do NOT want to have to do that....I realllllyyyy don't....I want my take home baby NOW....NOT 2 years from now...Or maybe never?...I want things be easy again..
=(

I have not even tested again today (this morning's fist morning urine test was a light positive+) because I am just so broken about this...It basically means with NO treatments (which we did none this month) we are doomed to have another loss...I know miracles can happen, I have a couple of them sitting at the kitchen table right now, BUT, I have been praying for another miracle for 2 years... And after 15+ losses later, and still NO take home baby....I am having a hard time staying positive in light of this new info...

It IS nice to have the answers finally, and really KNOW why we have had all the losses, instead of being told it was just "bad luck" ( MY ass!! ugh!!). BUT it does not make it any easier to walk through right now...And it does not make me fee any better...In fact it almost makes me feel worse, because the treatments are so expensive and I know we cannot afford it for at least one year...Or more...Maybe never? I don;t know...I just know, I never thought I would be the "one" who walked away with no baby...After 2 years TTC....I Just never imagined it would be Me....


Ah, why can't I just get pregnant like the welfare  crack head baby mamma's....
=(