Its been 8 years. 8 years since we took a trip to NC to see DR. Montieth in Chapel Hill. I remember being so excited. I had this picture in my head of how it was going to go during, and after it all. For those of you who don't know, I had my tubes tied in 2009, after the birth of my 3rd, directly following a traumatic still birth. It was a decision made out of fear and trauma, not an informed decision. I ended up having adverse health issues (PTLS) after, and was desperate to find a solution. I stumbled upon a private chat room with others also struggling. Several had gone for a reversal, and seemed to feel so MUCH better after. I had already seen my doctor umpteen times, and they offered no solutions, and insinuated it was "in my head".... I saw all of these ladies posting the day OF surgery saying that they felt relief! I was like, "Yes, this is it!!"... So we saved the 6 Grand, and went and did the reversal. I was PUMPED. I started a blog, YouTube video and F...
I know the feeling. I do my best to trust in God. I know he is real, but lately I've had days when I question His timing. I am trying not to become bitter that it's been so hard for us to conceive and that we are about to fork over close to 20K for a 40-50% chance at having a baby while crackheads across the world get babies they can't care for for free. I keep waiting for God to show me how truly powerful He is, and I can't help but feel like I did when he took my parents from me from cancer. I hope that I too can find a way to get past it and trust again. Thanks for leading the way. It helps me want to keep trying to trust in Him knowing that you are fighting to do the same.
ReplyDeletexxxx's so sorry for your struggles and losses...Life can be so hard some times, and yet, so beautiful and magnificent at others...I try to focus on the beautiful times, in the times of darkness, but even I still have some bad days...It helps to know others struggle the same emotionally, that is why I am so candid...I feel like, if I can feel better after spewing on my blog AND someone else is encouraged or can relate, then it was worth the effort...=)
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