Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Making it through....

This last weekend had to be the worst set of episodes I have had to date. I don't know if it is just psychological because I finally told some family and friends, and the DR what I have been experiencing for up close to a year now, or if it is just because, instead of brushing it off as something else,( like side effects from fertility meds etc)  I am paying closer attention to track symptoms...

I spent the better part of the weekend, wrapped in my hubby's arms, with my left side numb/pins and needles and my vision going in and out...The numbness is like, when your foot falls asleep, and when you go to get up and walk on it, it hurts so bad...But instead of happening when there is no circulation, it feels like that for days on end, with NO relief.  My whole left side...The worst would happen in my left arm and hand and it would cause me to cry even just touching my husband and children...I find the episodes to get worse after I have been physical, or have gotten myself heated from doing something, be it exercise or whatever...In the case of this weekend, I went out to shovel the drive way, felt great while doing it...but as soon as my body temp went up, the symptoms came like a freight train...I have noticed this in the past, but just thought I was so terribly out of shape...Turns out, it is not normal...lol...

Then my vision was blurry for a few hours as well, and while I can manage it most of the time, I was really more jolted by the fear than anything....It is starting to all come together...All of the things I experienced for the last year or so....All of the immune symptoms...The losses...It all makes sense now...And yet, there is little comfort in that...Having answers sometimes makes things a bit harder to bare, and harder to wait through...

I am on day 10 of Birth control. RE prescribed me the Loestrin24FE. I don't seem to be having many side effects...But then again, I have felt so crappy, I am not sure I would have been able to decipher what was related to what...I could be thyroid related too a bit (the exhaustion)  I am pretty sure my TSH is swinging again, because I went from feeling semi hyper, full of energy, etc last week to being stuck on the couch with such major exhaustion this last weekend/this week.  I have not done a thing in the house in 5 days...My laundry is piled up, and the rooms need cleaning...Hubby has been nice enough to keep the living spaces tidy and the dishes done, but even he cant do it all and work full time.

I have a ton to do before my Mom flies out form CA for her visit...But it will have to wait another few days...I just cannot muster the strength to do it, at least not today...

Today, I am going to work on, at the very least, boosting myself, spiritually and emotionally...I am going to listen to my fave songs, and write some...I am going to take time to enjoy the little things...I am going to learn something NEW today, and hopefully everyday...I am going to be thankful for the things and people I have in my life...I am not going to take for granted the past, that has taught me so much...I am going to be more open to love and hope and faith, and refuse to let the circumstances of the last 2 years or even the last 2 weeks, make me bitter...I will rise above, and come out on the other side victorious...I am not sure what that will look like exactly, but I know, if I keep my focus, I will learn something invaluable  form all of this...Maybe, just maybe it will help someone else too....


1 comment:

  1. I love your resolve to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. I hope you get back into the swing of things soon and that the visit from your mom is just what the doctor ordered. :)

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