Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Officially diagnosed...

With PTSD Today at my appointment. I have been seeing a counselor for some of the things that I have had to endure, not just in regards to TTC/losses, etc, but in general, I had a traumatic, difficult youth, and had some some very heavy things to over come. I knew I had PTSD a couple years ago, after our 19 week loss...I just never wanted that "label" officially....But talking about it, and going back to reflect, it has brought up many events in my life that were traumatic, and give me flash backs etc. I  plan to work through some of this stuff while I am on break. I have left just about every TTC forum/group I was apart of/owned/created, in a effort to really let go and step away from virtual life and the TTC mind set....I want to renew every part of me, and stop letting the junk and negativity from the craziness of online forums rule my life even in the slightest.... I was apart of too much, for too long...and it over took me and allowed me to obsess on TTC stuff allllll day long...I need a break...for a long,, long, long time...

I will still be updating the blog...But wont be active in the forums, out side of my close knit buddy groups on FF. It's a positive thing. And I believe, it marks the start of a new season, where I really heal, and get recharged for the next time we try.

3 comments:

  1. I mostly read ur blog and havent really commented but I wanted to let u know I was offically diagnosed w/ PTSD last year... I knew that I had PTSD but never wanted 2 know if that makes since... I am also on a break from TTC and pretty much only update my blog and I removed myself from every forum on line because I couldnt handle it so I just wanted to tell u ur not alone!!! I break is healthy and Its really given me some clarity I hope u get that also!!!

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  2. Meg. I've been in some of ur groups and keep up w your journey here. I too have ptsd and ttc and my ep really flaired it back up for me, hence why I stepped back from online groups months ago. U felt like I was quickly losing my footing in life and had to sau no more.
    It really helps center yourself, a reboot if u will.

    I wish u peace health and wisdom on this part of your journey.

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  3. Thank you so much ladies!! It really helps to know I am NOT alone in this...Like one of you said, I knew I had it, but I never wanted to actually hear it and be labeled and "diagnosed" if that makes sense? It almost made me feel like a wimp...But I know that is not true. Again, thank you for the support...It was hard to leave all my groups, that I had poured so much into, but I know, there was no way I could really let go and heal in this break, with one foot in the TTC door...I really truely need to "let go" of it ALL...As hard as it is...I need to...I wont lie...it feels really sad, and kind of lonely, but some of that is my fault for isolating myself from people In real life, for so long while I waded through TTC waters alone, and with only online support...so now I have to flip that switch and really start to cultivate the relationships with people right here right now, in real life....It is going to be good...a process...but good!

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Thanks for any and all comments, I don't always have time to respond, but I appreciate each and every one of them....I also thank you for being respectful while commenting on my blog-