Skip to main content
Image
By
I am so totally numb right now...It is not that I am not sad...I am not happy either....It FEELS like Sooooo much has happened in the last few days...I have a hard time almost comprehending the gravity of it all....

I almost in disbelief. I cannot believe I made it to this RE appt and then discovered I had an ectopic none the less...

I was dead set on getting on some birth control, and taking a break right from the start of the appointment. I knew I needed to walk away and take a break. But I never expected I would be "forced" to take one regardless of my feelings, because of an ectopic...

I actually, secretly dreamed , just a couple weeks back, that I would go in to my new RE appt. and be pregnant with my take home baby...I really hoped...This was def not what I had in mind...

BUT, I can take from this as many good things as I choose to...I know I am thankful we found it, as early as we did, before something terrible happened. I am thankful for a new RE who I feel like I can trust a bit better...Not to mention the facility is like being at a high end spa! I mean WOW...They also sent me home with a free book and all this very nice support material...Really shows they "get" the emotional aspect of all of this.

I am Thankful for a church family I can go to for help, and love and support...I am thankful for new doors opening up in my life to help me take the focus off of TTC, for this season. I am thankful that God's word to us about having another baby will not come back void, but it will happen, in HIS time, not mine...I have to learn to be at peace with this right now, or I will just grow bitter and depressed and make nothing out of this time...I want to come back refreshed, and is possible with more strength to carry on and try again, and more HOPE and FAITH than ever before.

I know some hard days will come...We all know they do.  But I will overcome, and come out on the other side of this with grace...I won't let this break me...

Comments

Post a Comment

Thanks for any and all comments,

Popular posts from this blog

What you should know if you are considering a tubal reversal

By
Its been 8 years. 8 years since we took a trip to NC to see DR. Montieth in Chapel Hill. I remember being so excited. I had this picture in my head of how it was going to go during, and after it all. For those of you who don't know, I had my tubes tied in 2009, after the birth of my 3rd, directly following a traumatic still birth. It was a decision made out of fear and trauma, not an informed decision. I ended up having adverse health issues (PTLS) after, and was desperate to find a solution. I stumbled upon a private chat room with others also struggling. Several had gone for a reversal, and seemed to feel so MUCH better after. I had already seen my doctor umpteen times, and they offered no solutions, and insinuated it was "in my head".... I saw all of these ladies posting the day OF surgery saying that they felt relief! I was like, "Yes, this is it!!"... So we saved the 6 Grand, and went and did the reversal. I was PUMPED. I started a blog, YouTube video and F...
2 comments
Read more

Lost for words...

By
I have been a funk...Not really much to say that has not already been said before..I feel like such a broken record....But I guess I should start somewhere, and give a little update of some kind... I have posted a few picture quotes that reflects some of how I am feeling, but I cannot seem to articulate MY feelings right now, in a personal way that is comprehensible to others, and doesn't make me look like an ungrateful bitch... I guess I will start off by saying, we had another chemical this last cycle...( + test's at 6/7 dpo- 9 dpo, (I tested early cause I almost threw up while socially smoking a cigg and having a drink with my friend and I didnt temp so I didn't know really where my cycle was for sure) and by 10 dpo tests had faded some, and AF came the NEXT day, even while still taking 800 mgs of progesterone supps (which I did start late at 7dpo, the day I got my first positive but none the less), giving me a whopping 10 day LP...=/ Here is one of my FRER's f...
7 comments
Read more

Ok...I may be on to something....

By
I am scared to even get a little excited.... I want to be elated right now...I do...But all I can think of are the "what if's"....I am going to try and stay as positive as possible, and keep saying over and over..."My body WILL carry this baby to term, I will have a take home baby!" Here is a pic ( below) of the dried test progression
11 comments
Read more