Thursday, June 7, 2012

I am so totally numb right now...It is not that I am not sad...I am not happy either....It FEELS like Sooooo much has happened in the last few days...I have a hard time almost comprehending the gravity of it all....

I almost in disbelief. I cannot believe I made it to this RE appt and then discovered I had an ectopic none the less...

I was dead set on getting on some birth control, and taking a break right from the start of the appointment. I knew I needed to walk away and take a break. But I never expected I would be "forced" to take one regardless of my feelings, because of an ectopic...

I actually, secretly dreamed , just a couple weeks back, that I would go in to my new RE appt. and be pregnant with my take home baby...I really hoped...This was def not what I had in mind...

BUT, I can take from this as many good things as I choose to...I know I am thankful we found it, as early as we did, before something terrible happened. I am thankful for a new RE who I feel like I can trust a bit better...Not to mention the facility is like being at a high end spa! I mean WOW...They also sent me home with a free book and all this very nice support material...Really shows they "get" the emotional aspect of all of this.

I am Thankful for a church family I can go to for help, and love and support...I am thankful for new doors opening up in my life to help me take the focus off of TTC, for this season. I am thankful that God's word to us about having another baby will not come back void, but it will happen, in HIS time, not mine...I have to learn to be at peace with this right now, or I will just grow bitter and depressed and make nothing out of this time...I want to come back refreshed, and is possible with more strength to carry on and try again, and more HOPE and FAITH than ever before.

I know some hard days will come...We all know they do.  But I will overcome, and come out on the other side of this with grace...I won't let this break me...

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