I have decided that is all I can do, is give it to God. .My lines came back again this morning, still faint, but there...I am Hoping maybe I caught the implant surge, then it faded and is on it's way back, nice and strong...Got a temp rise too this morning! I know there is nothing I can do to control the outcome of this, or any other future pregnancies, but I can try to control my thinking, and emotions...I can remain level headed and not stuck in self defeat...I have enough odds against me, I need to be positive for ME too...My heart does ache at the thought of not having another baby, or losing another one...BUT I know the road has made me into who I am today, and my rainbow after the storm will come.....
After MORE than 17 pregnancies, (5 live births, one still birth, 4 back to back ectopics, and NUMEROUS early losses), a tubal ligation, tubal reversal, and tubal removal and c section .... I am saying farewell to a old friend. My uterus. I met with an OBGYN this week to look over my most recent ultrasound, that showed a large mass in the wall of my uterus. tween the pregnancies (mostly losses), the endo and PCOS, he STRONGLY recommended I have a FULL hysterectomy, including the removal of my ovaries. I am only 35 this year, so I will say I was a little taken back initially. However, when I go back and think through my GYN history, its apparent, I will ave a much better quality of life after its all said and done. Truth be told, my hesitancy inst related to the desire for more children. We are content, happy and feeling healed from the years of losses. The twins have completed our family and we are so happy to be past ever trying to add to our family again. My resistance has more...
I know the feeling Megan. I have decided I am doing all I am capable of doing to TTC and that if, and when, it is meant to be then my baby will nestle in. ((HUGS))
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