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4dpo- feeling blue

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Well, 4 dpo today. Had a nice temp rise this morning. Feeling all sorts of cramping and sharp pains. I am tired and irritable and sad. And every single place I go- I get reminded of what I have lost and what I "should have". SO many women have had their babies recently. And even more- still pregnant, and due around the many "EDD's" we would have had. I hate it. I hate that I feel so bitter, jealous and envious. I hate that I am still stuck here- Still trying...Hoping and praying we get lucky enough to snag a take home baby. I HATE it!! I hate that even if we do get a BFP- there is NO guarantee we will get to bring that baby home in 9 months. I hate that crack heads and people who could give two craps about their children get to continue to have baby after baby, with NO complications...While I pop pill after pill and shoot myself up with blood thinners just to have a chance to keep a healthy pregnancy...

I know I promised to stay positive this time and not "go there"...And I will....But right now I am having a bit of a meltdown...I just needed to vent for a minute. I will pick myself back up and keep on keepin on.... We WILL get a take home baby one day- But today, I am grieving what I should have had 10+times over...Its a sucky place to be....
=/

Comments

  1. EmilyAugust 23, 2012 at 7:13 PM

    I know what you mean. I popped into my OB's office this week to find a family of 7! The mom kept snapping at them and using really ineffective parenting, which is a pet peeve of mine. I couldn't help but think, "And I can't even have one?" It's not my place to judge others' lifestyles or parenting, but it's really freaking hard not to sometimes!

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  2. Lisa MinerAugust 24, 2012 at 4:00 PM

    I am feeling the same way Megan. I'm sorry for all you have had to go through. Here I sit technically a day late per my calendar and spotting so I know AF is coming ... watching everyone else become pregnant and have their take homers. It has been almost a year since I had my surgery and here I sit just wanting to cry because of another failed cycle.

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