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Deep breaths!

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OK.
so The last day or so has been pretty rough for me... I go from super elated, so super scared, then angry, then sad, and repeat...
It seems as though my tests  have not really progressed, and I am still getting suuuuper faint lines on first response tests...and for 14 dpo, that makes me a bit nervous...I know the ONLY real way to know what is going on is with a beta, so this morning at 7 am, I will go for my first draw and see where things are at. Thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. The stress and the waiting. The unknown....The possibility of this NOT being "the one"...

It all just feels so over whelming....

Yea, sure, I know I SHOULD be happy, and deep down I am, but dealing with repeat losses strips you of almost every bit of joy connected to a subsequent pregnancy, and takes just a little bit more with each loss, and BFP...
I should get my results later today. In the mean time, I am going to TRY and NOT worry, and NOT get too pessimistic about it all. It is soooooo hard. I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say screw all of this...But, then the HOPE comes knocking again, and I cannot seem to walk away....yet...


Oh How I wish could have the same mind frame I did back when....Back when, sex= BFP= a baby 9 months later with no worries...

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