Skip to main content

That dreaded appointment...

You know...THAT appointment...The one where you go and sit in a room FULL of pregnant bellies, and babies in infant car seats, and toddlers running a muck...The one where you have to spead eagle, and get your crotch poked, prodded and scraped...Yes...The ANNUAL OB appt...ugh....Tomorrow, I have to face it, even though id rather being doing anything other than that!...

I have always hated OB appts, especially the yearly...Ick...But now, I realllllyyyyy HATE them...Ever since the day we found out our Hannah had passed, and I had to walk back through a room full of happy pregnant women, with a dead baby in me...It just send me to a dark place every time I go back, as if I am re living it again., and again, and again....But more than that, this time, I am dreading having to re hash out everything, and do a quick recap for my OB who has not been in "the loop"...

Most of my care in the last 3+ years has been through my RE, so I only saw my OB  a couple times, and last was 2 years ago for a pap...Back then I was suspect of immune issues, but had not been able to get testing to show it...He scoffed at my new found info, saying that was "hocus pocus"...Since then, I have dreaded going back...Even more so now, that we are NOT trying, and I am going to have to go over my "history" for the last 2 years...The losses,  including the tubal removal surgery etc...Just talking about it bring it all back up for me...I find writing about it it not nearly emotion as actually SPEAKING out the crazy ass things we have endured. It is almost as if it brings it back to life in my head again.

Can I fast forward and skip to Saturday, please?? At the very least, Id like to get through tomorrow without bawling my eyes out...

Comments

  1. I'm sorry. That sounds like an awful appt. I'm struggling with an influx of pregnant bellies in my life as well. Ugh! Hugs friend.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good luck. Here's hoping you'll arrive to an empty waiting room! Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so sorry :( I agree though it's so hard to not only have to sit in a room full of pregnant ladies but even worse to have to walk back through them after losing yours. There should be some type of separate waiting area or something I think. Good luck though and I hope your appointment goes well and hope by some chance there aren't any preggos in the waiting area :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks for any and all comments,

Popular posts from this blog

What you should know if you are considering a tubal reversal

Its been 8 years. 8 years since we took a trip to NC to see DR. Montieth in Chapel Hill. I remember being so excited. I had this picture in my head of how it was going to go during, and after it all. For those of you who don't know, I had my tubes tied in 2009, after the birth of my 3rd, directly following a traumatic still birth. It was a decision made out of fear and trauma, not an informed decision. I ended up having adverse health issues (PTLS) after, and was desperate to find a solution. I stumbled upon a private chat room with others also struggling. Several had gone for a reversal, and seemed to feel so MUCH better after. I had already seen my doctor umpteen times, and they offered no solutions, and insinuated it was "in my head".... I saw all of these ladies posting the day OF surgery saying that they felt relief! I was like, "Yes, this is it!!"... So we saved the 6 Grand, and went and did the reversal. I was PUMPED. I started a blog, YouTube video and F

Some statistics on Miscarriage

Miscarriage Statistics Overall miscarriage risk is 17-22%; risk after gestational sac is visible is 12-15% Miscarriage is one of the most frequent problems in human pregnancy. The most widely accepted definition is that proposed by the World Health Organization in 1977. The incidence among clinical pregnancies  (a pregnancy that is confirmed by both high levels of hCG and ultrasound confirmation of a gestational sac)  is about 12-15%, but including early pregnancy losses it is 17-22%. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11950476 After heartbeat is detected, risk of miscarriage is 9.4% at 6wks; 4.2% at 7wks; 1.5% at 8wks; 0.5% at 9wks To estimate the risk of miscarriage among asymptomatic women after a prenatal visit between 6 and 11 weeks of gestation where proof of fetal viability of a singleton was obtained by office ultrasonography at the same visit. METHODS: Those recruited were 697 asymptomatic women who attended their first antenatal visit between 6 (+2 days) and 11(+

Trust & New Pajamas

So, a blog comment I got the other day from wonderful woman, and awesome supporter of mine, caused me to pause a bit, and kind of evaluate some things about my faith and relationship with God. Which I truly appreciate, because she was kind and not judgy in her words...And I felt God gently nudge my heart each time I read the comment over... I felt my face start to burn with emotion, as tears welled up in my eyes...And I finally admitted to myself... I do NOT trust God...At least not fully, like I once did... But I desperately WANT to be at that point again....Trusting fully...And filled with peace... I walked into this journey,  to try for one more, 100% SURE , God was calling us/giving us the desire  to have another baby...I/we were, 100% certain we would walk away with a baby in our arms...As a matter of fact, I would have bet my LIFE on it. Now, 3 years later, I am broken, weary, and so utterly soul shattered, that I simply cannot "look" God in the eyes...H