You know...THAT appointment...The one where you go and sit in a room FULL of pregnant bellies, and babies in infant car seats, and toddlers running a muck...The one where you have to spead eagle, and get your crotch poked, prodded and scraped...Yes...The ANNUAL OB appt...ugh....Tomorrow, I have to face it, even though id rather being doing anything other than that!...
I have always hated OB appts, especially the yearly...Ick...But now, I realllllyyyyy HATE them...Ever since the day we found out our Hannah had passed, and I had to walk back through a room full of happy pregnant women, with a dead baby in me...It just send me to a dark place every time I go back, as if I am re living it again., and again, and again....But more than that, this time, I am dreading having to re hash out everything, and do a quick recap for my OB who has not been in "the loop"...
Most of my care in the last 3+ years has been through my RE, so I only saw my OB a couple times, and last was 2 years ago for a pap...Back then I was suspect of immune issues, but had not been able to get testing to show it...He scoffed at my new found info, saying that was "hocus pocus"...Since then, I have dreaded going back...Even more so now, that we are NOT trying, and I am going to have to go over my "history" for the last 2 years...The losses, including the tubal removal surgery etc...Just talking about it bring it all back up for me...I find writing about it it not nearly emotion as actually SPEAKING out the crazy ass things we have endured. It is almost as if it brings it back to life in my head again.
Can I fast forward and skip to Saturday, please?? At the very least, Id like to get through tomorrow without bawling my eyes out...
I have always hated OB appts, especially the yearly...Ick...But now, I realllllyyyyy HATE them...Ever since the day we found out our Hannah had passed, and I had to walk back through a room full of happy pregnant women, with a dead baby in me...It just send me to a dark place every time I go back, as if I am re living it again., and again, and again....But more than that, this time, I am dreading having to re hash out everything, and do a quick recap for my OB who has not been in "the loop"...
Most of my care in the last 3+ years has been through my RE, so I only saw my OB a couple times, and last was 2 years ago for a pap...Back then I was suspect of immune issues, but had not been able to get testing to show it...He scoffed at my new found info, saying that was "hocus pocus"...Since then, I have dreaded going back...Even more so now, that we are NOT trying, and I am going to have to go over my "history" for the last 2 years...The losses, including the tubal removal surgery etc...Just talking about it bring it all back up for me...I find writing about it it not nearly emotion as actually SPEAKING out the crazy ass things we have endured. It is almost as if it brings it back to life in my head again.
Can I fast forward and skip to Saturday, please?? At the very least, Id like to get through tomorrow without bawling my eyes out...
I'm sorry. That sounds like an awful appt. I'm struggling with an influx of pregnant bellies in my life as well. Ugh! Hugs friend.
ReplyDeleteGood luck. Here's hoping you'll arrive to an empty waiting room! Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry :( I agree though it's so hard to not only have to sit in a room full of pregnant ladies but even worse to have to walk back through them after losing yours. There should be some type of separate waiting area or something I think. Good luck though and I hope your appointment goes well and hope by some chance there aren't any preggos in the waiting area :)
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