Purpose Driven Motherhood

Yesterday I had my follow up appt with my RE for post OP care after the tube removal surgery. It went well. They drew a beta just to be SURE my HCG wasn't anything BUT undetectable, then I met with the RE. He took at peek at my incisions, and did a little press here and there, and that was that. He said things look great, and does not anticipate any more issues with ectopic, as he believes most if not all my ectopics were on that right side. He gave us the "all clear" to have sex and TTC on our own without meds or intervention. He said in 2 cycles, I can come back, IF we want, and start talking IVF etc if we desire... But he did say, he does not believe we will need it, and think we can achieve a intrauterine pregnancy on our own...He is not really "into" all the immune stuff, so he does not really think that those issues factor into our situation, and that we can and will carry to term if we "keep trying"... On one hand, lab work doesn't lie, a...

I feel sometimes as if I am caught between two different worlds... In one, I am the stupid "Fertile Myrtle", who was oblivious to the pain of infertility, and the depths of pregnancy loss...Who flaunted her pregnancy, and complained like it was going out of style...Who said stupid things like " why don't you adopt" to my friends going through IVF at one point..(insert facepalm-.WTF was I thinking!?)...The one who said to a family member who just miscarries after fertility treatments, " you can just try again!".... That was my life 11 years ago... In the other world, I am a bitter "infertile/RPL'er"... I have been apart of the "long time TTC groups" for way TOO LONG, and know every TTC acronym possible... Charted my way through the last two and a half years of meds, injects etc, experienced loss after loss, got a devastating diagnosis and eventually, lost part of my reproductive parts...I look at pregnant women, and either w...

As someone who believes in Jesus Christ, and tries to live my life in such a way that reflects that, however, I fail miserably. I am thankful HE loves me anyway....Aside of that, going to church on Sunday is an important part of my life. Not because I believe, that I HAVE to go, to fulfil some "religious obligation" or anything. No, I go because I know I need to be around people. People who are "like minded" so to speak (yet, ironically, I find most people in churches, no matter where you go, are not all that "like" minded at all. So many have such varying beliefs in doctrine and such, it will astound you if you pay attention- I digress.) I go because, I need to be with people that can encourage and lift me up when I cannot seem to carry on...People who can speak truth, when I need to hear it most...People I can build healthy friendships/spiritual relationships with...Relationships are good! But it is NOT always rainbows and butterflies...In relationship,...

Soooo.....I Went to ER this morning with pain on my right side...My RE told me if I had any increasing pain in the location of the suspected ectopic  before Monday,to go to the Urgent care facility and get checked, becauseBHCG is not produced in the same amounts in a ectopc pregnancy as it would in a normal intrauterine pregnancy, so I cvould rupture even with such low numbers. So, I decided after being in pain all night, and this morning, I might as well just go get seen to be on the safe side....I got there, They did blood and ultrasound...My HCG did not rise appropriately, of course, we knew that would happen, The ultrasound showed a 2 cm mass in my right tube. I was transferred by ambulance to the women's hospital nearby, where my RE has surgical privileges ...Of course I was taken to Labor and delivery to wait for the surgical team, and my RE to show up, and get prepped....UGH... Anyway, Long story short, they got me in and they took my right tube out, and in the proces...

FML I mean, really!?? This makes 4 ectopics in one years time...UGH... Beta HCG jumped to 107. Progesterone less than one... I go back monday for a repeat beta and a ultrasound to try and find the placement of the ectopic, then they are booking me for surgery some time next week... =( I am scared to death, so frustrated, and shaking my fist at the effin sky, asking "WTF!? WHY me!??"  For anyone curious what a beta of 107 looks like on a wondfo, here is my series over the last day or so...Bottom test was a hour ago with a 2 hour hold...The one above it was last night at midnight.

Things just could not be easy this time....No, things just had to take a turn, and send me down "be there done that road"... 9 days ago, my beta was 6 and progesterone was dropping...My home tests were non existent as far as lines go. I started to bleed the next day, and continued to do so for 5 days...I was sure things were normal, and there would be no worries... I was set for a repeat beta just to confirm levels had dropped on monday, but totally spaced it out and forgot to go for the last few days...Then it dawned on me, I missed my beta....I was not so concerned, I figure there really would be no need for one, it seemed I had "passed" most everything the days before anyway... So this morning, I decided just to "be sure" and test with my home tests before calling in...I didn't want to waste 150 bucks on a beta if my HCG was already neg... Wouldn't you know...My tests are effin positive...UGH! Beta tomorrow, and again possibly mond...

Just got bored...

Beta went down to 6...Progesterone down to 3.6 from 48 ... we are losing this one too... =(

HCG- Only a measly 8 P4- 48 I have a feeling that my HCG may be on the decline already, since my FRER was slightly lighter today...=/ I guess we will see what wed's beta brings...I know it probably will be neg by then, but I am praying for some kinda miracle!! Here is my FRER progression/regression....=(

I went for a beta this morning...RE office closes at noon, so I may not get results back today, but at least blood was drawn, and I will likely go back for another draw on wed....Really hoping and praying this sticks!!!

Here is today's 13 dpo tests I will go for a beta tuesday or wed, depending on what RE says...For now, I have started some progesterone and prednisone I had left on hand...One day at a time, right?