Friday, July 12, 2013

Back on the pill...

For now anyway... Not sure what we will do in 6 months...But for now, this is the plan...

I got a RX for seasonale- The one where you take it for 3 months continuously,  then have a period. It is supposed to be good for keeping PCOS calmed down etc. I really just want to not worry about getting pregnant for a while...No charting, no nonsense...It is such a horrible place to be...Because I would give ANYTHING to be pregnant with a baby I get to bring home at the end. But, Knowing my body just KILLS them before they can hardly start to grow, kills ME inside, and I just cannot keep going through the emotional turmoil of loss after loss after loss anymore...So I have no other choice but to do whatever I can to prevent pregnancy, even though I want so much to be pregnant right now...ugh...

All the baby pics and belly pics and ultrasound snapshots on facebook...They just cut like a knife...Reminders of what we tried for soooooo long to get, but lost, over and over again, and what we wont be able to have again...I want so bad  not to be sad about it...I want to be excited for others...It's not that I am not happy for them deep inside, I really am...I am just so heart broken for us, I cannot even think straight, or get past the hurt enough to show it. Maybe one day that will get easier? I hope...


2 comments:

  1. I really hope it will get easier for you. It is just so hard to be stuck in that place of feeling letdown and envious of others who have what you want. I found it was sooooo helpful to just stop going on facebook for a while. I gave it up for lent and haven't gone back since and what a HUGE help mentally! Also cut way back on online infertility forums too. Honestly, I think doing both of those things has helped immensely. Maybe it could help you too? Prayer never hurts, but I know you do plenty of that already! Now, if only God would start answering your prayers that sure would be nice! I'll be praying for you to get a little bit more peace with everything so you can be happier each day. You deserve to be happy!

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    1. Yea, I hid and blocked most people on FB, and try not to go on too much other than for games, and I took myself put of the m/c and infertility/immune forums etc, at the start of last cycle...so I have already done that...But the announcements have been more close to be, as in family and things of that sort, so no way to really even avoid them, unfortunately...=/

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