Purpose Driven Motherhood

So, I have some good news, and some bad news... The Good news...My hormone levels are great, and we can try again this month! The bad news? My once "mild" insulin resistance, has now turned into full blown PCOS. While I did not have any cysts,my ovary's are poly cystic in appearance, and  had TONS of follices. which can be good so long as I take something to stim a bit and cause the many follices to mature into a few good ones... AND, because my levels were good, I get to start my femara tonight! woo hooo! I am slightly bummed though...It sucks to have issues after issues arise in regard to TTC...It is like my body is falling apart...So disheartening ...But, I have to be thankful for a chance tp try, and some good baseline levels to start off with! so...here we go! Levels are as follows- HCG- <0.5 TSH- 0.19 FSH- 5.1 LH- 2.39 P4- 0.4 E2- 25  Endo thickness 4.5 Wish us luck! =)

 I have an appt set for Monday at 10 am for clinic with the RE office, to get a set of CD 3 ( I will be CD 4) labs and a ultrasound to check over everything...Hopefully, by then, the HCG is totally baseline, and my E2 this cycle is not stupid and is also baseline...Please, please, please!! NO more set backs!!

Happy hour!! whooo hooo! Yes...I realize what time it is...But, it IS 5 o clock somewhere....Right!? Screw this cycle! Screw TTC and all the emotional baggage that goes with it...Screw the weight gain from fertility meds...Screw the temping, OPK's, CM, CP and all that jazz....Just screw it... I am going to spend the remainder of today, sipping on this bottle of red, and watching some Grey's, while I try to pretend my heart has not been crushed, yet anther time...I am well aware my denial will end soon, and reality will hit, and I will have to face the pain, face TTC....Face it all over again....But today, I am going to say screw it, and enjoy happy hour/day.

I am feeling pretty let down today... I know this cycle was not even supposed to be a "go" anyway, and by some miracle, we were able to try and got a dose of intralipids in there too, which was doubly awesome, and I was so thankful to have a shot at this cycle..... But still, I am feeling so bummed out today... On 8 dpo, I woke up, broke down,  and tested...I saw a "shadow" on the wondfo's, and just kept testing throughout the day...By the end of 9 dpo, I had lines on 4 different tests, ( wondfo strip, wondfo cassette, dollar store test and FRER) squinters, but def lines. But over the course of the last few days, nothing has progressed, just kind of stayed the same...I held hope, and just tried not to obsess..( hence the not posting of HPT pics on the blog this time..Its gets to hard to have to see them, after the fact, when the cycle is a bust) So....Today, 12 dpo, I woke up to a temp drop, and all tests now totally BFN... I am trying so very h...

I just LOVE when I have a pretty chart!! Yes, I know, It does not mean a BFP/THB or anything else really, other than ovulation occurred and progesterone is now the dominant hormone....BUT, on a cycle like this, where Normally I would STILL be waiting to O, I am pleased as punch to see such a great chart for a cycle that we all thought was a "bust". Not only did I O'ed wayyyyyy early with NO meds, but my progesterone was good, and but my charts looks  aaaammmmaazzzinggggg....NOW, all I need is a sticky BFP!! I have to admit, I am a LOT more hopeful than ever before....I sure hope that is not setting me up for a BIG fall at the end of this cycle...I know nothing is guaranteed  even if we do get a BFP, but the addition of the intralipids gave me a little more hope to hang on to that maybe, just maybe we will get our rainbow one day after all.... Anyway, here is my kick ass chart! =)

   I am not sure what I expected, but now that it is all over, I can say with certainty, that is was a piece of cake!! The hardest thing was staying still in the chair for 2 hours! LOL! I got there, got checked in, used the potty real fast, then my nurse drew my blood for progesterone ( came back at 10.7 on 5 dpo, not bad at all for a non medicated cycle and 2 days earlier than a normal peak P4 draw!) then got me set up in my chair and prepped me for my infusion. She then went over the waiver info, and I had to sign a few things. She then went over any side effects/adverse reactions etc...And gave me instructions for the rest of today/this cycle... I was told to drink at least 80 oz of water today following the infusion, not sure why other than it is supposed to help keep away any head aches associated with the infusion.IV, and also, NO tylenol, and NO alcohol. No problem there! After that, I was all hooked up and ready to go! I just sat there, and chatte...

This morning at 10 AM, I will be going for my very first intralipid infusion! I am excited, as this is new for us, and has been shown to have great success rates for RPL ladies! I will get there about 10 mins before, just so they can do a progesterone draw as well, then I will get set up in my little room, and my nurse will start my IV. It should take about a hour and a half or 2 hours to completely infuse the meds. After that, I am set to go, and wont need another one till 5 weeks If we get a + preg test. And again every 28 days till 12-16 weeks or at my RE's/RI's discretion. I reallllllllllly HOPE we caught the egg this month, and this new concoction helps us snag a THB! I am feeling all sorts of symptoms the last two days...I know it is just progesterone, but it makes me feel better knowing my levels must be good to cause the nastiness I am feeling! We will see what my levels are at this afternoon....Praying for the best! Here is a nice Chart Overlay of this ...