Saturday, March 12, 2016

We made it!

To 20 weeks! Wow!! 

I'm sitting here in total awe at this journey we have been on... It has NOT been easy... The last 5 years have been without a doubt very hard... And even the last 20 weeks...

I've been hospitalized a few times between kidney infections, the flu, strange high blood pressure etc... The anxiety has been very intense... But every  second has been worth it 100%... 

We have the "big" anatomy scan on Monday... I know things are most likely fine, but I still worry... Also kind of worried my already shorter than it should be cervix will be shorter... But today, no matter what Monday brings, is still a victory ... A miracle.... 

I'm so incredibly thankful for our donors who chose LIFE for their remaining embryos, so we could have a chance to complete our family in a unique way, and get the healing redemption of carrying and giving birth again after so so so many losses...

I'm thankful for every cramp, pain, bout of reflux, sickness, bladder leak... Well , you get the point... I'm thankful to be here... So many nights I tried to grapple with the thought of never getting to experience this again... Forcing myself to try and let go of a dream that didn't seem to be possible... And now, I'm sitting here in tears (of joy) feeling these precious babies move ... 

As far as them not being genetically ours... Honestly I hardly think about it...my step daughter isn't "mine" and I didn't even get to bond with her at birth etc, but I still love her like she is 100% mine... I'll admit, the suspense as to what  they will look like is pretty exciting!  But never once have we ever felt reserved emotionally because they are not genetically ours... In fact both my husband and I seem to be bonding faster this time around simply because the journey was so hard just to get here!  We appreciate the gift of life more than ever before and cherish each moment... 

I still can't believe we are over half way done baking these two babies! I cannot wait to hold them in my arms...

I'll update after our scan on Monday with some new pics of the littles ...

Prayers are appreciated in regards to my body continuing to do what it needs to (keep  them in as long as possible) ...

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