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What if....

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So...I got crosshairs today...


We had a unprotected BD the day before O...(as mentioned in previous post)..so of course, I started thinking "what if"...What if, after all this madness and meds, and pain...It just happens....Then, I remembered....I ovulated on the exact same day (aug 19th) a year ago, and got preg with our may 12th, 2013' ectopic angel....I am not sure why I even remembered that, as I have tried to block out "should have been EDD's" to save myself from some of the pain and constant triggers that come with each passing should have been EDD....But never the less...... I went to check my charts...Sure enough, same day- etc...

 Call me crazy, but I still have a small spark of hope for a sticky bean...seems/feels soooooo stupid with our horrible immune DX etc, and with how many losses we have had, even with the immune meds and the many ectopics...Our chances are so low.. I mean, really....BUT...I just can't seem to shake the hope...I hate it...I wish I could just let go...and give up....and move on...BUT hope...it always whispers "try one more time"...UGH!! 

And of course, to add insult to injury, I am stalking the may 2014 birth board on BBC, wishing I could be apart….Hoping that by some strange chance, we get a supernatural miracle…..But what if it is another loss, or worse an ectopic...I just dunno anymore...I have tried so hard to move on...But Hope still lingers....


Comments

  1. SaraAugust 27, 2013 at 2:29 PM

    I don't think you're crazy at all. We all want this so badly, it's almost nice to have that little glimmer of hope sometimes :) I am praying for you, I really hope that you get your miracle this month!

    ReplyDelete

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