5 years ago, Today...My
little baby girl Hannah's heart stopped beating, at 19 ( just a day away from
20 weeks) weeks along....We did not find out until the next day (aug 5th
2008)....My heart is a bit heavy today, thinking of who she would have
been...But strangely, when I think of her, I no longer weep
uncontrollably....Instead, I smile...I am thankful for all I have learned about
myself, and even others....I am thankful for the moments I did have with her
while she was here...That I was able to feel her inside of me, alive and
kicking, for as long as I could..I am Thankful for a God who carried me
through, every step of the way....Thankful for the people who came along side
of me and loved me, and didn't try to "fix" me, or make it better,
they just were "there"....I am thankful For the courage to live, when
all I felt like I doing was dying, after having my soul crushed when she left
this earth...The the strength to keep going on, and never giving up HOPE ...I
never thought I would reach a day where I don't weep for ALL of our angel
babies ( as we have many)...But, Today, I feel peace in my soul, even in the
midst of so much grief that still lingers......My heart still aches, deep down,
and always will....But I won't let that ache, turn me bitter, jaded, or angry.....No,
I have overcome, with the help of my Lord Jesus...I am a survivor...I am a
daughter of the King, and a force to be reckoned with...Nothing will keep me
down or bound...
After MORE than 17 pregnancies, (5 live births, one still birth, 4 back to back ectopics, and NUMEROUS early losses), a tubal ligation, tubal reversal, and tubal removal and c section .... I am saying farewell to a old friend. My uterus. I met with an OBGYN this week to look over my most recent ultrasound, that showed a large mass in the wall of my uterus. tween the pregnancies (mostly losses), the endo and PCOS, he STRONGLY recommended I have a FULL hysterectomy, including the removal of my ovaries. I am only 35 this year, so I will say I was a little taken back initially. However, when I go back and think through my GYN history, its apparent, I will ave a much better quality of life after its all said and done. Truth be told, my hesitancy inst related to the desire for more children. We are content, happy and feeling healed from the years of losses. The twins have completed our family and we are so happy to be past ever trying to add to our family again. My resistance has more...
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