5 years ago, Today...My
little baby girl Hannah's heart stopped beating, at 19 ( just a day away from
20 weeks) weeks along....We did not find out until the next day (aug 5th
2008)....My heart is a bit heavy today, thinking of who she would have
been...But strangely, when I think of her, I no longer weep
uncontrollably....Instead, I smile...I am thankful for all I have learned about
myself, and even others....I am thankful for the moments I did have with her
while she was here...That I was able to feel her inside of me, alive and
kicking, for as long as I could..I am Thankful for a God who carried me
through, every step of the way....Thankful for the people who came along side
of me and loved me, and didn't try to "fix" me, or make it better,
they just were "there"....I am thankful For the courage to live, when
all I felt like I doing was dying, after having my soul crushed when she left
this earth...The the strength to keep going on, and never giving up HOPE ...I
never thought I would reach a day where I don't weep for ALL of our angel
babies ( as we have many)...But, Today, I feel peace in my soul, even in the
midst of so much grief that still lingers......My heart still aches, deep down,
and always will....But I won't let that ache, turn me bitter, jaded, or angry.....No,
I have overcome, with the help of my Lord Jesus...I am a survivor...I am a
daughter of the King, and a force to be reckoned with...Nothing will keep me
down or bound...
Its been 8 years. 8 years since we took a trip to NC to see DR. Montieth in Chapel Hill. I remember being so excited. I had this picture in my head of how it was going to go during, and after it all. For those of you who don't know, I had my tubes tied in 2009, after the birth of my 3rd, directly following a traumatic still birth. It was a decision made out of fear and trauma, not an informed decision. I ended up having adverse health issues (PTLS) after, and was desperate to find a solution. I stumbled upon a private chat room with others also struggling. Several had gone for a reversal, and seemed to feel so MUCH better after. I had already seen my doctor umpteen times, and they offered no solutions, and insinuated it was "in my head".... I saw all of these ladies posting the day OF surgery saying that they felt relief! I was like, "Yes, this is it!!"... So we saved the 6 Grand, and went and did the reversal. I was PUMPED. I started a blog, YouTube video and F...
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