Purpose Driven Motherhood

Thinking of my Angel babies today...missing them...and hoping, praying and wishing for a rainbow baby....

As it sit here, over analyzing my symptoms just a mere 2 days post ovulation, I find myself saying over and over in my head..."Please, please, please let this be our month!" I have been on this merry go round of craziness called TTC for the last 10 months, and have experienced 6 heartbreaking losses... can I get a break here!? I am so bloated I cannot bend over properly or button my pants, my boobs are on fire and my ovaries are screaming at me.. this has to be good right?? maybe... maybe not...could be the clomid crazies...But I HOPE, HOPE, HOPE this IS our month!! I am just sooooooo ready for this to happen!!! Please oh please let this be our take home baby cycle!!

I really had it in my mind, that this would all be so easy. I thought coming up with the money for surgery was going to be our biggest battle, And, That by Christmas, I would be waving around a gender ultrasound, or, at at the very least announcing our pregnancy. Here we are 10 months out, and 6 losses later...It hit me...I really did have expectations set in my head about how this was all going to play out. It has been harder than I imagined to rearrange everything and get it in my head that we are still trying. I spent most of my young adult life trying to NOT get pregnant. never in my life did I dream I would have trouble getting/staying that way...such a hard pill to swallow. The fact that I have several different DR's baffled as to why we cannot keep the pregnancies...saying my case is "complex and complicated"... how uplifting... NOT! I have had to fight to keep the HOPE deep in side. I have had to fight not to let this sink me... I certainly have not done everythin...

Are you a Peestickaholic? Know the warning signs. Do you need an "eyeopener" - do you pee on a stick first thing in  the morning? Do you pee on sticks alone? Do you  have a stash of peesticks in your house that no one  knows about? Has peeing on a stick ever interfered with your work or social life? Have you ever lied about the number of peesticks you've used? Do you often find yourself saying "just one more..." when faced  with a BFN? Do you seek out more and more sensitive peesticks, in an  attempt to get that second line? Have you ever peed on a stick at work? Does the  pharmacist  know you by name and gets down "your  brand" before you even belly up to the counter? Do you shop at multiple pharmacies or online so no one knows  how many peesticks you are buying? If you answered yes to 3 or more of these questions, you need serious help!! And if you happen to find out what helps this problem other tha...

It has been a rough road...One that I am amazed I am still on... I would have sworn we would be the "lucky ones" and get preg with a keeper the month after surgery, since I was so fertile before...That has not been the case...March was surgery, but we did not "prevent" so anything "could have happened, but didn't. Then, I was diagnosed with low progesterone in April, had a Chemical Pregnancy ( aka CP) in May, had another possible CP in June and was sent over to the reproductive endo's office by my OB, had a HSG in July and a hormonal work up, everything came back great, tubes open, and hormones ok. I  got pregnant that first cycle of the HSG, and betas rose well and doubled, but we lost the bean anyway at 5 weeks. August, I had another CP, Sept, started femara for a better ovulation, and got another BFP (Big fat positive) and had great rising beta blood tests, and wonderful progesterone, but  we lost the baby again, and left the RE baffled. got sent fo...

What on earth are those abbreviations and what do they mean. well I will give you a little guide to help you understand the acronyms, since I will be using a LOT of them when making my posts on this blog. Most of you, if you have searched out this site, know what some of them are, since you are probably in, or will be in the same boat soon. No matter what the reason you happened to stumble on this page, look no further, I will decode the strange language of those trying to have a baby, and use online forums...lol. In regards to THIS page, it means Trying to conceive after a Tubal Reversal. Here I will go over the many stuggles and ups and downs of having had a tubal ligation/ reversal and trying again... and again, and again, after repeat early pregnancy losses....and all that goes with it....ok back to topic... Below is a list of the commonly (and not co common) used acronyms for short hand online TTC (trying to conceive AKA getting pregnant/ ...