Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Each week is monumental... So thankful

It's hard to believe I am just shy of 15 weeks. I honestly never thought we would have made it this far after the last few years and the heart break and chaos... 

But alas... Here I am... Both babies growing strong! Not just one, but TWO! (Thank you God!) 

My heart is nothing but filled with gratitude and love... I am so thankful for these little babies, who are now about the size of a lemon (a bit bigger now) ... I pray for them each day and praise God for sending these precious babies to us...They are absolute gifts..,

But unfortunately this pregnancy has not been 100% easy... Even as early as I am, I've already spent a week hospitalized, do to insane crazy blood pressure (which developed out of nowhere - I've always had low blood pressure) so now I'm on medication for that... My thyroid has decided to go insanely crazy too... And now I'm having teeth issues on a previously root canal crowned tooth requiring pain meds and heavy antibiotics (which of course I don't want to take but I have to) ... But everything that pops up I just keep telling myself it's going to be worth it in the end... No matter what I'm dealing with now I absolutely would go through it again for these little ones... They are worth every single little thing ...

Especially when I look at my growing Belly... I love it!!! I can't wait to be huge and uncomfy... A luxury when it comes to multiple pregnancies. And by that I mean, if you get far enough along to feel that way with no pre term labor etc, it's a blessing! Hoping for that for us, considering we already are contending with high blood pressure etc...

Here's a peek at the belly :) 

(11 weeks vs 13/14 weeks) 

In other news... We are paying for a private scan this weekend- hoping to get a preliminary guess on genders... They also give you a sneak peek at the 4D HD ultrasound! Can't wait! The last time we saw them at the NT scan, they looked so cute!! They look like little babies now... And it's been a few weeks since then, so I'm sure they look even cuter! ...

Here's a peek at them from NT- 

Hopefully we have some better images after the private scan. It's only 60 bucks... Can't beat it really... And if they can't tell the gender with certainty they will bring you back for free for another scan - of course I'm not going to buy anything until everything is confirmed at the anatomy scan at 19 weeks... But it is fun to start looking and thinking of names... And since my husband can't make it to every appointment ( going every 1 to 2 weeks right now because of the complications) it will be neat for him to be able to look at them a Little more in depth... I do get a scan every time I go to the doctors office but it is a very very low resolution ultrasound, and they simply do it just to check the heartbeats instead of using a Doppler. 
I however love my Doppler... Im easily able to distinguish between
 the two heart beats, and the peace of mind it gives me is absolutely priceless. You go through a lot of anxiety after many pregnancy losses, and since we've had a second trimester loss in the past, it gets increasingly difficult around these weeks... But I have to say I am feeling much much better...I have even started to feel light movement which is early, but there are two of them in there... Lol 

Anxiety is so much better now... I'm starting to really accept this pregnancy and abandon my fears... I am finally understanding the reality of having TWO in there... It seemed so surreal for so long ... Honestly the full reality won't set in till I am holding them I don't think... But that's typical with even a singleton when you have endured infertility and loss. 

It's strange... Sitting in the OB office yesterday, I still had some pangs of emotion surrounding loss/infertility... Wondering what it must feel like to be blissfully ignorant of all that can happen... I also scanned the room to see if there was anyone sitting there trying not to "see" all of us pregnant people... My heart absolutely aches for anybody who has to be in that position... I will never forget... 

But I have to say it is hard to balance The way that I cope, with being sensitive to others... I swore before I got pregnant , I wouldn't be one of those  posters on social media who updates about their pregnancy etc.... And had we not goine to embryo adoption I probably would be a lot more scaled back. But because so many people have been supportive through this journey with embryo adoption, and quite frankly very fascinated, i've been keeping everyone up-to-date because I get asked so frequently... And also admittedly, it really helps me cope... Cherishing every single moment, taking lots of pictures, etc... That seems to be therapeutic for me, vs  keeping everything to myself, and withholding my emotion. But my heart definitely aches for those who are still struggling... There are a few ladies who would have been pregnant with me had things been different for them, and I pray for them every day because I know what it's like to be on that side... :::sigh::: it's not that I forget, but I have to do what I have to do to survive through this... And for me, that means logging every single thing and living in each moment with pier joy... That means lots of pictures and updates... It means celebrating every single day and every single week... Because it really is monumental...and these babies really are "special snowflakes" lol...

Anyway ...just thought I'd update for you all :) 

We are still here...still going strong! One day at a time, we are getting closer, and closed to holding these precious babies!!!  


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