Purpose Driven Motherhood

So many things can change in a year... This time last year I was hip deep in hormone injections, prepping for our first donor FET. So many questions and fears about how things would go following the transfer... the biggest question being, would it actually work? No one really knew... we prayed it would... This  year, I'm holding my almost 4 month old twins in my arms.... filled with more joy than I could possibly articulate.. Here is a picture of them together right after we brought them home...  And then a couple more recent ones... .        

 Long story short ,  The babies are here !!!  I don't have a lot of time to get into the birth story etc.  and my last update was a while ago so there is a lot that is happened in between ,  but basically I ended up developing preeclampsia and had an emergency C-section at 36 weeks and four days ...  Josiah was born first, at 10:11 am on 7/6/16/  weighing  5 lbs. 7 oz. 19 in long  Olivia was born at 10:13 Am -  weighing 5 lbs. 3 oz. -  18 inches long Miss Olivia had to be resuscitated ,  and was doing fine afterwards -  then develop some issues controlling her sugars -  so she's been in the NICU  since the day after birth ...  We are hoping she is discharged today ... I won't even begin to go into how difficult it is to have both babies here,., ugh my heart aches without my baby girl but I know shes getting stronger!! Josiah  has been doing fantastic -  had some mild feeding issues -  those se...

Those are the words I heard yesterday flow out of the mouth of the pediatric cardiologist following a 3 + hour ultrasound for echocardiogram's for the twins... (Fetal Echo is standard testing for IVF pregnancies)  Before she even opened her mouth I knew the results were not normal... Between the scan taking a realllyyyy long time to get extra images on Baby A, and the little pad in her hand with a diagram of a heart, and the look on her face... I knew...  She did a great job of making it sound really "normal" and non threatening, but Inside I was trying so hard not to lose it... I managed to make it to the car before tears came down...  The good news is, it's a pretty common defect, and has a chance of closing on its own so little Josiah won't need surgery, but there are no garruntees of course. The other positive aspect is we know ahead of time, and can plan accordingly ...  Of course our hope is that when I go back in 6 weeks for a follow up echo, it's close...

Holy crap was I a bucket of nerves!!!!  Yesterday I soent 3 hours getting scanned with the MFM office ...it was amazing to see the babies but also scary, as I didn't get the results until the very end... All that to say...  They are doing great in there!!! MFM said they have no concerns!! Still a boy and a girl lol... Weighing 12 oz each...  And my cervix was 3.8 which is pretty good for now! I'm feeling a bit better about everything now... I was so worried about major defects... Now we are really fully celebrating and in full swing with getting things ready for their arrival!  Here's a couple of the 3D pics :) This is Josiah ... And here is Olivia... She was being difficult so we didn't get the best face shot lol  So in love!!! 💗💙

To 20 weeks! Wow!!  I'm sitting here in total awe at this journey we have been on... It has NOT been easy... The last 5 years have been without a doubt very hard... And even the last 20 weeks... I've been hospitalized a few times between kidney infections, the flu, strange high blood pressure etc... The anxiety has been very intense... But every  second has been worth it 100%...  We have the "big" anatomy scan on Monday... I know things are most likely fine, but I still worry... Also kind of worried my already shorter than it should be cervix will be shorter... But today, no matter what Monday brings, is still a victory ... A miracle....  I'm so incredibly thankful for our donors who chose LIFE for their remaining embryos, so we could have a chance to complete our family in a unique way, and get the healing redemption of carrying and giving birth again after so so so many losses... I'm thankful for every cramp, pain, bout of reflux, sickness, bladder leak... W...

So we went for a private scan today to see the little ones and find out genders ...  It was such a great experience and soooooo worth the 60 bucks! Lol.... The results....  Baby A is...  And baby B is....  We could not be happier!!! Still settling on names but we are close to  making some final decisions 😆 This is starting to really feel REAL!

It's hard to believe I am just shy of 15 weeks. I honestly never thought we would have made it this far after the last few years and the heart break and chaos...  But alas... Here I am... Both babies growing strong! Not just one, but TWO! (Thank you God!)  My heart is nothing but filled with gratitude and love... I am so thankful for these little babies, who are now about the size of a lemon (a bit bigger now) ... I pray for them each day and praise God for sending these precious babies to us...They are absolute gifts.., But unfortunately this pregnancy has not been 100% easy... Even as early as I am, I've already spent a week hospitalized, do to insane crazy blood pressure (which developed out of nowhere - I've always had low blood pressure) so now I'm on medication for that... My thyroid has decided to go insanely crazy too... And now I'm having teeth issues on a previously root canal crowned tooth requiring pain meds and heavy antibiotics (which of course I don...