Purpose Driven Motherhood

Last day here in NY ... I'm pretty much lost for words ... We leave tomorrow at o dark thirty ...

LOVE this short clip- We all need to remember this and practice this more...

I have heard this song so many times...Its been kind of my anthem... I feel like, right now , I am stuck in the middle of the ocean, on a tiny raft with a slowly leaking hole...Meanwhile, there is every kind of storm known to the world swirling around me...NO, not just some rain, and waves and lightning or thunder... But MASSIVE storm, after storm, after storm, after STORM, that keeps battering me...Over and over. ..I keep hanging on to the vision in my heart of that "safe shore" ...I cannot wait to get there, lay in the warm sand and BREATHE without swallowing salty water and tears....But, For now, I cling to my leaky raft for dear life, while I search for that light house to give me a beam of light to follow out of this mess...Out of the darkness...Out of the Storms that have engulfed my life...

I often think, when people see me out, on the good days, enjoying my family and life as MUCH as possible, regardless of how crazy and scary things might be right now, they must look and think "wow look how happy/perfect they are"... Everyone is facing a battle, and rarely do we let our guards down for other's to see it... I choose to let mine down here on my blogs, because, I know somewhere, someone might be facing a similar situation and battle in their life that they have not felt comfortable sharing, and desperately want to feel less alone.....And it seems like the only way we connect and care about other total strangers, is online, in a virtual world....I just wish sometimes, people could see into our lives deeper than first appearances once in a while, and maybe we would all realize, we are hurting, from something, and everyone needs a little compassion, without having to justify why...

Went in Yesterday to see the OBGYN about the mass in my uterus that was found a couple weeks ago. I really don't feel like going into all the nitty gritty details, like how every pregnant and newborn that could have been in the office, was there...So Ill keep this short. The OBGYN said the mass/growth is Adenomyosis, that has considerably embedded in between the posterior uterine muscle/wall. It does not "look" cancerous in nature, but there is NO way to biopsy it due to the location and a Hysterectomy is suggested....If it grows at all or change by next can, it won't be a "recommendation"... Obviously not right NOW, but soon... Once we get set up with DR's out there, I need a re scan of the area and a second opinion. (The OBGYN appt yesterday was already the 3rd opinion at this point if you count the ER doc's) Of course, it does NOT take a rocket scientist to figure out that a Hysterectomy would be the utter worst thing for me right now , emot...

On Tuesday, (6/3/2014) Dr. Braverman delivered a presentation at the 34th Annual Meeting of the American Society of Reproductive Immunology about the use of intralipid therapy for recurrent pregnancy loss. Intralipid therapy for recurrent pregnancy loss – controversies and future directions J Bra verman , DR Ritsck Braverman Reproductive Immunology PC, Woodbury, New York, USA Intralipid is a 20% fat emulsion containing soybean oil triglycerides that was developed as a source of parenteral nutrition for patients unable to tolerate an oral diet.  Immunomodulatory functions of Intralipid infusions were subsequently noted and Intralipid infusions, touted by many as an inexpensive alternative to IVIG, are now widely used to treat recurrent pregnancy loss.  While Intralipid infusions have been used for years in women experiencing recurrent pregnancy loss with anecdotal success, a satisfactory explanation for its therapeutic effects has been largely lacking.  ...

So, a lot has happened in the last week or so...I wish It was good things, but instead, just more junk heaped on to our already full plate... So 2 week ago I was in urgent care for side/abdominal pain...Turned out to be inflamed lymph in my intestine etc...Cause: remains unknown still...Still dealing with pain and major gastrointestinal issues, but i'm alive at least....Been trying to tough it out till we get to CA and get into a new practice ... Fast forward to this last friday, and after mowing the lawn the day before, (First day I felt like getting out of bed in weeks) I find a tick, in my scalp..my first one ever...Ick! Here in upstate NY, lyme disease is HUGE ( 1 in 20 ticks carry lyme) , and because my Son was diagnosed in the very late stage of Lyme in 2012, ( we never knew he was  bit) I wanted to be sure I went in and got the preventative meds anyway, especially since the tick wa a nymph, which 90% of the time are the lyme carriers....So, off I go... I get settled a...