Well, 4 dpo today. Had a nice temp rise this morning. Feeling all sorts of cramping and sharp pains. I am tired and irritable and sad. And every single place I go- I get reminded of what I have lost and what I "should have". SO many women have had their babies recently. And even more- still pregnant, and due around the many "EDD's" we would have had. I hate it. I hate that I feel so bitter, jealous and envious. I hate that I am still stuck here- Still trying...Hoping and praying we get lucky enough to snag a take home baby. I HATE it!! I hate that even if we do get a BFP- there is NO guarantee we will get to bring that baby home in 9 months. I hate that crack heads and people who could give two craps about their children get to continue to have baby after baby, with NO complications...While I pop pill after pill and shoot myself up with blood thinners just to have a chance to keep a healthy pregnancy...
I know I promised to stay positive this time and not "go there"...And I will....But right now I am having a bit of a meltdown...I just needed to vent for a minute. I will pick myself back up and keep on keepin on.... We WILL get a take home baby one day- But today, I am grieving what I should have had 10+times over...Its a sucky place to be....
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I know I promised to stay positive this time and not "go there"...And I will....But right now I am having a bit of a meltdown...I just needed to vent for a minute. I will pick myself back up and keep on keepin on.... We WILL get a take home baby one day- But today, I am grieving what I should have had 10+times over...Its a sucky place to be....
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I know what you mean. I popped into my OB's office this week to find a family of 7! The mom kept snapping at them and using really ineffective parenting, which is a pet peeve of mine. I couldn't help but think, "And I can't even have one?" It's not my place to judge others' lifestyles or parenting, but it's really freaking hard not to sometimes!
ReplyDeleteI am feeling the same way Megan. I'm sorry for all you have had to go through. Here I sit technically a day late per my calendar and spotting so I know AF is coming ... watching everyone else become pregnant and have their take homers. It has been almost a year since I had my surgery and here I sit just wanting to cry because of another failed cycle.
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