Skip to main content

4dpo- feeling blue

Image
By
Well, 4 dpo today. Had a nice temp rise this morning. Feeling all sorts of cramping and sharp pains. I am tired and irritable and sad. And every single place I go- I get reminded of what I have lost and what I "should have". SO many women have had their babies recently. And even more- still pregnant, and due around the many "EDD's" we would have had. I hate it. I hate that I feel so bitter, jealous and envious. I hate that I am still stuck here- Still trying...Hoping and praying we get lucky enough to snag a take home baby. I HATE it!! I hate that even if we do get a BFP- there is NO guarantee we will get to bring that baby home in 9 months. I hate that crack heads and people who could give two craps about their children get to continue to have baby after baby, with NO complications...While I pop pill after pill and shoot myself up with blood thinners just to have a chance to keep a healthy pregnancy...

I know I promised to stay positive this time and not "go there"...And I will....But right now I am having a bit of a meltdown...I just needed to vent for a minute. I will pick myself back up and keep on keepin on.... We WILL get a take home baby one day- But today, I am grieving what I should have had 10+times over...Its a sucky place to be....
=/

Comments

  1. EmilyAugust 23, 2012 at 7:13 PM

    I know what you mean. I popped into my OB's office this week to find a family of 7! The mom kept snapping at them and using really ineffective parenting, which is a pet peeve of mine. I couldn't help but think, "And I can't even have one?" It's not my place to judge others' lifestyles or parenting, but it's really freaking hard not to sometimes!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lisa MinerAugust 24, 2012 at 4:00 PM

    I am feeling the same way Megan. I'm sorry for all you have had to go through. Here I sit technically a day late per my calendar and spotting so I know AF is coming ... watching everyone else become pregnant and have their take homers. It has been almost a year since I had my surgery and here I sit just wanting to cry because of another failed cycle.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks for any and all comments,

Popular posts from this blog

Ok...I may be on to something....

By
I am scared to even get a little excited.... I want to be elated right now...I do...But all I can think of are the "what if's"....I am going to try and stay as positive as possible, and keep saying over and over..."My body WILL carry this baby to term, I will have a take home baby!" Here is a pic ( below) of the dried test progression
11 comments
Read more

Trust & New Pajamas

By
So, a blog comment I got the other day from wonderful woman, and awesome supporter of mine, caused me to pause a bit, and kind of evaluate some things about my faith and relationship with God. Which I truly appreciate, because she was kind and not judgy in her words...And I felt God gently nudge my heart each time I read the comment over... I felt my face start to burn with emotion, as tears welled up in my eyes...And I finally admitted to myself... I do NOT trust God...At least not fully, like I once did... But I desperately WANT to be at that point again....Trusting fully...And filled with peace... I walked into this journey,  to try for one more, 100% SURE , God was calling us/giving us the desire  to have another baby...I/we were, 100% certain we would walk away with a baby in our arms...As a matter of fact, I would have bet my LIFE on it. Now, 3 years later, I am broken, weary, and so utterly soul shattered, that I simply cannot "look" God in the eyes...H...
10 comments
Read more

What you should know if you are considering a tubal reversal

By
Its been 8 years. 8 years since we took a trip to NC to see DR. Montieth in Chapel Hill. I remember being so excited. I had this picture in my head of how it was going to go during, and after it all. For those of you who don't know, I had my tubes tied in 2009, after the birth of my 3rd, directly following a traumatic still birth. It was a decision made out of fear and trauma, not an informed decision. I ended up having adverse health issues (PTLS) after, and was desperate to find a solution. I stumbled upon a private chat room with others also struggling. Several had gone for a reversal, and seemed to feel so MUCH better after. I had already seen my doctor umpteen times, and they offered no solutions, and insinuated it was "in my head".... I saw all of these ladies posting the day OF surgery saying that they felt relief! I was like, "Yes, this is it!!"... So we saved the 6 Grand, and went and did the reversal. I was PUMPED. I started a blog, YouTube video and F...
2 comments
Read more