Skip to main content

A change of plans...

Image
By
I really had it in my mind, that this would all be so easy. I thought coming up with the money for surgery was going to be our biggest battle, And, That by Christmas, I would be waving around a gender ultrasound, or, at at the very least announcing our pregnancy. Here we are 10 months out, and 6 losses later...It hit me...I really did have expectations set in my head about how this was all going to play out. It has been harder than I imagined to rearrange everything and get it in my head that we are still trying. I spent most of my young adult life trying to NOT get pregnant. never in my life did I dream I would have trouble getting/staying that way...such a hard pill to swallow. The fact that I have several different DR's baffled as to why we cannot keep the pregnancies...saying my case is "complex and complicated"... how uplifting... NOT! I have had to fight to keep the HOPE deep in side. I have had to fight not to let this sink me... I certainly have not done everything perfect, and I am not on the other side yet, But I am still kind of amazed, I have the strength to keep going...God is good, and i know in the end we will be blessed with another...and it will all be worth it...

Comments

Post a Comment

Thanks for any and all comments,

Popular posts from this blog

Ok...I may be on to something....

By
I am scared to even get a little excited.... I want to be elated right now...I do...But all I can think of are the "what if's"....I am going to try and stay as positive as possible, and keep saying over and over..."My body WILL carry this baby to term, I will have a take home baby!" Here is a pic ( below) of the dried test progression
11 comments
Read more

Trust & New Pajamas

By
So, a blog comment I got the other day from wonderful woman, and awesome supporter of mine, caused me to pause a bit, and kind of evaluate some things about my faith and relationship with God. Which I truly appreciate, because she was kind and not judgy in her words...And I felt God gently nudge my heart each time I read the comment over... I felt my face start to burn with emotion, as tears welled up in my eyes...And I finally admitted to myself... I do NOT trust God...At least not fully, like I once did... But I desperately WANT to be at that point again....Trusting fully...And filled with peace... I walked into this journey,  to try for one more, 100% SURE , God was calling us/giving us the desire  to have another baby...I/we were, 100% certain we would walk away with a baby in our arms...As a matter of fact, I would have bet my LIFE on it. Now, 3 years later, I am broken, weary, and so utterly soul shattered, that I simply cannot "look" God in the eyes...H...
10 comments
Read more

What you should know if you are considering a tubal reversal

By
Its been 8 years. 8 years since we took a trip to NC to see DR. Montieth in Chapel Hill. I remember being so excited. I had this picture in my head of how it was going to go during, and after it all. For those of you who don't know, I had my tubes tied in 2009, after the birth of my 3rd, directly following a traumatic still birth. It was a decision made out of fear and trauma, not an informed decision. I ended up having adverse health issues (PTLS) after, and was desperate to find a solution. I stumbled upon a private chat room with others also struggling. Several had gone for a reversal, and seemed to feel so MUCH better after. I had already seen my doctor umpteen times, and they offered no solutions, and insinuated it was "in my head".... I saw all of these ladies posting the day OF surgery saying that they felt relief! I was like, "Yes, this is it!!"... So we saved the 6 Grand, and went and did the reversal. I was PUMPED. I started a blog, YouTube video and F...
2 comments
Read more