Purpose Driven Motherhood

I got a picture today that I ordered back in July in honor of all of our angel babies...created by Carly Marie at projectheal.com  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/ Because we have lost soooo many babies  I chose to use something that would represent them all (last name) - I can't wait to get a big print of this to hang in the house!!

Its been so strange being back in my old home town, back in good ol California...But, it feels GOOD! Its so much different in this new season of my life..I cannot explain it, but I just feel like every day I am here, a weight is being lifted off of me...Despite the craziness of my health struggles, I am filled with much more peace and joy on a regular basis...I can stretch out, breathe and be "me"....Crazy, silly, perfectly imperfect ME... Me with some elementary/middle school buddies :) catching up, reminiscing, being silly, and making new memories!  I have been connecting with old friends, in this new season, and it just amazes me how MUCH we ALL have been through, and survived...seeing who we all have become through the years...Being in our 30's now, things are just different, but at the same time, seem so much like the "good ol days" all at once...I have also met some new friends who have brought a richness to my life that I cannot seen to expla...

Last day here in NY ... I'm pretty much lost for words ... We leave tomorrow at o dark thirty ...

LOVE this short clip- We all need to remember this and practice this more...

I have heard this song so many times...Its been kind of my anthem... I feel like, right now , I am stuck in the middle of the ocean, on a tiny raft with a slowly leaking hole...Meanwhile, there is every kind of storm known to the world swirling around me...NO, not just some rain, and waves and lightning or thunder... But MASSIVE storm, after storm, after storm, after STORM, that keeps battering me...Over and over. ..I keep hanging on to the vision in my heart of that "safe shore" ...I cannot wait to get there, lay in the warm sand and BREATHE without swallowing salty water and tears....But, For now, I cling to my leaky raft for dear life, while I search for that light house to give me a beam of light to follow out of this mess...Out of the darkness...Out of the Storms that have engulfed my life...

I often think, when people see me out, on the good days, enjoying my family and life as MUCH as possible, regardless of how crazy and scary things might be right now, they must look and think "wow look how happy/perfect they are"... Everyone is facing a battle, and rarely do we let our guards down for other's to see it... I choose to let mine down here on my blogs, because, I know somewhere, someone might be facing a similar situation and battle in their life that they have not felt comfortable sharing, and desperately want to feel less alone.....And it seems like the only way we connect and care about other total strangers, is online, in a virtual world....I just wish sometimes, people could see into our lives deeper than first appearances once in a while, and maybe we would all realize, we are hurting, from something, and everyone needs a little compassion, without having to justify why...