Purpose Driven Motherhood

I am trying this from 36,000 feet in the sky, via southwest wifi! We are on our way to California! We were up at 4 am, to get the last minute things packed, choke a cup of coffee down, and then head to the airport 2 hours early to get all settled and through security checkpoint etc...We left Albany, NY at 8:15 am, and the flight is about 5 hours and 45mins long, after which we will land in Las Vegas, NV, for a 2 hour layover, then hop on a quick flight (55 mins long) to Ontario California! Once we get our bags we will head over for our rent a car- then drive up to the place I grew up...The lovely mountains of San Bernardino California, in the town of running springs ( big bear, lake arrowhead area)...I CANNOT WAIT, to drive up highway 330, and peer down at the city below ...It is so majestic up there! For now, not much new, just traveling easy... Will update once we get there and settled! =)

  Just thought I would give a little update on what has been going on with us the last few weeks, and in the next couple weeks to come....   Finally all back to normal after the tube removal on 9/14/13. Last cycle was pretty textbook, and so has this month, so far anyway...   I met with my primary DR last week, who had a few not so great things to say about our losses...You know, the ones..."Maybe this is your bodies way of saying it is time to stop having kids" , or " be happy with what you have and move on, if people that witnessed the holocaust can "move on" and live a normal life, you should be able to after pregnancy loss"...Then proceeded to tell me that DH needs to get snipped or I need my other tube removed so I stop having losses...I quickly and firmly let him know we would be doing NOTHING permanent....And, In case you were wondering, I did go OFF on him for the previous comments, and handed him his own ass as nice as I possibly could...Then...

I am not doing the grief post today, because my heart is so very heavy for others at the moment, my own grief, even as ever present as it may be,(it always is, isn't it?) It pales in comparison to what some of my friends are walking through right now at this very moment..... I Have a list about 20 people long who need a serious miracle right now, as in life or death situations...But I am going to focus on two right now, for this post. Though, I am praying for so many constantly through the day, I sometimes feel I ever stop praying, the needs are so great right now in my inner and outer circles....But, seriously, I am pleading with you with agree with me in whatever way you can spiritually for these two people tonight.... First off, my new blogger friend HOLLY  who is having complications with her twin pregnancy (once a triplet pregnancy, one was lost earlier on) after a LONG and hard battle with infertility...My heart absolutely breaks hearing what she is going through right n...

I have both a necklace in Honor of my angels, and a Tattoo... The necklace I got last year, and does not have a charm to represent the last few angels...I did not have the heart to add to it anymore, and have not had the heart to wear it knowing not all of them are represented...I know, it seems silly, but for now, it hangs in my special box, where I can see it and hold it every now and again, when I am feeling particularly sad about things...I always look at the difference in each gemstone that hangs on there, and I think about how different each one of our angel babies were, and wonder what and who they would have been had they been waking on this earth with us instead of flying in the heavens... I got this necklace hand made by a amazing lady on BBC (baby center)...It so blessed my heart...and still does....I really should just add the last few gems... I Got this tattoo just a couple days before the 5 year angelversary of the loss of our Hannah (at 19 weeks in 2008).......

I have been thinking about this since the day of the balloon release...I wanted so bad to attach a note or write the name of our babies on each one, but the thought of having to name all of them was just too daunting on such an already emotional day...But since then, I have been thinking about sitting down and giving naming them a chance... For the last few days, I have been going back and reading posts I made when I miscarried  in the last couple years/months...Looked at the "should have been" due dates... I tried to remember what I "felt" during that time...I almost always had a "feeling" on gender, and was right with all my living babies, so I decided to just go with that in regards to naming each one of our angels...Here is our list... 1. Jelly bean (2001) -MC 2. Pumpkin seed 2005 -CP 3. Millie (2007)- MC (guessing 7 weeks by size of sac) 4. Hannah marie (2008)- 19 week loss 5. Love bug (2011)-CP 6. Snowflake (2011)- CP 7. Daisy (2011)- MC 5...

Just a few quotes I really find touch my heart....