Skip to main content

4dpo- feeling blue

Image
By
Well, 4 dpo today. Had a nice temp rise this morning. Feeling all sorts of cramping and sharp pains. I am tired and irritable and sad. And every single place I go- I get reminded of what I have lost and what I "should have". SO many women have had their babies recently. And even more- still pregnant, and due around the many "EDD's" we would have had. I hate it. I hate that I feel so bitter, jealous and envious. I hate that I am still stuck here- Still trying...Hoping and praying we get lucky enough to snag a take home baby. I HATE it!! I hate that even if we do get a BFP- there is NO guarantee we will get to bring that baby home in 9 months. I hate that crack heads and people who could give two craps about their children get to continue to have baby after baby, with NO complications...While I pop pill after pill and shoot myself up with blood thinners just to have a chance to keep a healthy pregnancy...

I know I promised to stay positive this time and not "go there"...And I will....But right now I am having a bit of a meltdown...I just needed to vent for a minute. I will pick myself back up and keep on keepin on.... We WILL get a take home baby one day- But today, I am grieving what I should have had 10+times over...Its a sucky place to be....
=/

Comments

  1. EmilyAugust 23, 2012 at 7:13 PM

    I know what you mean. I popped into my OB's office this week to find a family of 7! The mom kept snapping at them and using really ineffective parenting, which is a pet peeve of mine. I couldn't help but think, "And I can't even have one?" It's not my place to judge others' lifestyles or parenting, but it's really freaking hard not to sometimes!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lisa MinerAugust 24, 2012 at 4:00 PM

    I am feeling the same way Megan. I'm sorry for all you have had to go through. Here I sit technically a day late per my calendar and spotting so I know AF is coming ... watching everyone else become pregnant and have their take homers. It has been almost a year since I had my surgery and here I sit just wanting to cry because of another failed cycle.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks for any and all comments,

Popular posts from this blog

What you should know if you are considering a tubal reversal

By
Its been 8 years. 8 years since we took a trip to NC to see DR. Montieth in Chapel Hill. I remember being so excited. I had this picture in my head of how it was going to go during, and after it all. For those of you who don't know, I had my tubes tied in 2009, after the birth of my 3rd, directly following a traumatic still birth. It was a decision made out of fear and trauma, not an informed decision. I ended up having adverse health issues (PTLS) after, and was desperate to find a solution. I stumbled upon a private chat room with others also struggling. Several had gone for a reversal, and seemed to feel so MUCH better after. I had already seen my doctor umpteen times, and they offered no solutions, and insinuated it was "in my head".... I saw all of these ladies posting the day OF surgery saying that they felt relief! I was like, "Yes, this is it!!"... So we saved the 6 Grand, and went and did the reversal. I was PUMPED. I started a blog, YouTube video and F
1 comment
Read more

Some statistics on Miscarriage

By
Miscarriage Statistics Overall miscarriage risk is 17-22%; risk after gestational sac is visible is 12-15% Miscarriage is one of the most frequent problems in human pregnancy. The most widely accepted definition is that proposed by the World Health Organization in 1977. The incidence among clinical pregnancies  (a pregnancy that is confirmed by both high levels of hCG and ultrasound confirmation of a gestational sac)  is about 12-15%, but including early pregnancy losses it is 17-22%. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11950476 After heartbeat is detected, risk of miscarriage is 9.4% at 6wks; 4.2% at 7wks; 1.5% at 8wks; 0.5% at 9wks To estimate the risk of miscarriage among asymptomatic women after a prenatal visit between 6 and 11 weeks of gestation where proof of fetal viability of a singleton was obtained by office ultrasonography at the same visit. METHODS: Those recruited were 697 asymptomatic women who attended their first antenatal visit between 6 (+2 days) and 11(+
Post a Comment
Read more

Trust & New Pajamas

By
So, a blog comment I got the other day from wonderful woman, and awesome supporter of mine, caused me to pause a bit, and kind of evaluate some things about my faith and relationship with God. Which I truly appreciate, because she was kind and not judgy in her words...And I felt God gently nudge my heart each time I read the comment over... I felt my face start to burn with emotion, as tears welled up in my eyes...And I finally admitted to myself... I do NOT trust God...At least not fully, like I once did... But I desperately WANT to be at that point again....Trusting fully...And filled with peace... I walked into this journey,  to try for one more, 100% SURE , God was calling us/giving us the desire  to have another baby...I/we were, 100% certain we would walk away with a baby in our arms...As a matter of fact, I would have bet my LIFE on it. Now, 3 years later, I am broken, weary, and so utterly soul shattered, that I simply cannot "look" God in the eyes...H
10 comments
Read more